Pre-Resolutions

The year isn't over yet, but I've already been trying to put some resolutions into effect.  One is a commitment to treat my body as a temple--to eat healthy foods, to pamper my body and continue to learn. I'm building the habit of keeping a food diary. (And in writing about it now, I hold myself accountable!)  I also want to honor my time, as I'm finding this job affords me new vast amounts of time and I want to use it constructively.

Have I mentioned lately how great this year has been, over all? It's had it's ups and downs, of course, but I've paid my bills and avoided trouble. I've learned a lot about business and men.  And I've begun tackling the taboo, this idea that whoring has to be degrading or that those who participate are victims (or become so.) I've found this experience empowering. Perhaps I've even done a little good.

I have some ideas in the works to take my site and marketing to the next level. With that will come a modest price boost that reflects the low-volume. Of course, the wonderful gentlemen I've seen this year are welcome to use the current rate.

There will be a few more weeks, and I'll make an official notice once some of my changes are put into place. Exciting times!

Long Red Hair

Oh man, I am in love.  I already had a crush on her since Firefly and, now that you mention it, I'm starting to go into Madmen withdrawal.  But then someone posted this beautiful Rapunzel vision of Christina Hendricks, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.

I have a thing for long hair. Pulled back, twisted up or flying free, I love it. In fact, in high school I grew my hair and got it down to my hips. Then the day came where I decided I needed a change and cut it all off. I've played with different lengths now but I believe it's time to go back.  Of course, it would take me a good three years to get long again.

I've also been considering going red. What do you think? No really, I want feedback from my readers! Send me a quick email at electrabluex@gmail.com and let me know if you'd like to see me with red hair.

Trust on the Internet

Oh, it's been a rather boring week. The holiday season is picking up for many, leaving little time to sneak away for a little date.  As such, I've had more time for making art, reading and too much time reading the RB forum.

There are little pockets of community within the RB forums. The power of the internet allows any person to anonymously state their most obnoxious thoughts, however, and most posting reflects that. Lately, the trend of topics have revealed the lack of trust between provider & client. Of course, there are real dangers lurking in the shadows of this industry. After nearly a year of occasional wanker calls, late night texts, and long fantasy emails with no intention of a visit, I am careful in how much trust I extend.

Unfortunately, it seems in some cases, the mistrust goes deep. Some men on the boards have some pretty low opinions of the women they hire. And they assume most of us have the same low opinion of them. With such feelings harbored on each side, how can a session even take place?

I think a good fuck can be healing. Human touch, soothing touch, is healing. For healing to take place, I feel some level of trust is necessary, or we may subconsciously reject it.

Now, of course we are here for the money. Otherwise we would just be sluts (in the most positive sense of the word.) But I'd hope no one would do sex work solely for money, because unless you can enjoy it, it's not worth it. Unless you enjoy nakedness, pleasing strangers and reveling in newfound social ostracization, I can't recommend it.

Lucky for me, and all of you, I do enjoy all those things! Okay, the ostracization, not so much.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 Wow, I looked at my blog the other day and it's been much too long! For most of last week, I was fighting a cold and thus, no work. I stayed bundled up in my quilt and read The Lost Girls in between cold medicine-fueled naps.

If you like graphic novels... no, even if you don't, you'll probably enjoy Lost Girls.  It reads more like an old-fashion erotic picture book, all naked bodies and beautiful watercolor orgy scenes. The story turns a few traditional fairy tales on their heads, giving them twisted sexual overlays. I love twisted fairy tales, and the erotic retelling of some of my favorites (Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland, Wizard of Oz) was all I needed to super charge my dreams into mini sex movies.

Sufficed to say, I am even more eager for a bit of Thanksgiving "stuffing" before Thursday comes around!

Sexual Fantasies Help you Focus

The original link: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=how-fantasies-affect-focus
I may need to make a special trip to Barnes & Noble to get this issue of Scientific America.

"Fantasizing about sex gets more than just your juices flowing—it also boosts your analytical thinking skills. Daydreaming about love, on the other hand, makes you more creative, according to a study published in the November 2009 Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin."

Is this why musicians always sing songs about love?  Or maybe this is why noon is a popular time for appointments? I figured it would be easier to concentrate after a good orgasm, but perhaps the fucking also puts some guys in a better frame of mind for their jobs after lunch?

Essential Traveling Items

I pack a fresh bag each time I'm going to an incall, and try to show off my favorite new outfit or lipstick shade. The styles and colors may change with the season. There is the standard toothbrush and toiletries, these are not unique to any bag, but there are a few items that I consider essential to ply my trade and feel at my sexiest.

-Kimono. Terry cloth robes are warm, but they are too bulky for me.  I enjoy the wide sleeves and breeziness of the fabric. If I was limited to a single piece of clothing, this would be it.

-Condoms & Lube. This probably goes without saying, I couldn't do very much without them. I like to bring a variety of sizes, flavored & unflavored. Liquid Silk is my favorite brand of lube--everything is more fun with lube! What's great about this one too, is it's very neutral in flavor and doesn't get tacky.

-Toys. I have a slowly growing collection of toys, for a variety of play. These are usually brought out only in longer sessions or for doubles. However, I always have them in case of a special request!

-Stockings. I dress pretty casual out in public, so dressing up for a private date is a special thing for me. As I've said before, stockings just feel sexy.

-Fresh fruit & healthy snacks. I love most fruit and vegetables, as long as they are fresh. And it so much better than eating take out or pizza while I am kitchen-less. I'm on the look out for  honey crisp apples this season, and filling up on plums, peaches and blueberries in the meantime.

Stockings

It's been a luxuriously long week off for me, much of the time spend visiting with an old college friend.  It was his first time in the city, and almost five years since we'd seen each other. I do love playing the tour guide and sharing my love for my city. I even visited a church without bursting into flames!

I try to take regular times off each month, but by the end, I'm always so bored that I want to jump straight back into taking appointments again. I did find some time to take more pictures. After getting several stockings in the mail, I wanted to show off my growing collection!

Cuban heels and seamed stockings are ever my favorite--there's something classic about them.  But this new pale pink pair is wonderful too!  I like how delicate and feminine they seem, and how they play off my pale skin. Tell me what you think!

Books

 After reading Obsidian Butterfly, I've decided I really like the Anita Blake character. It's somehow relaxing to read about someone with a more complicated love life and a more harrowing job than me! (I kid.) I just love women who kick ass, with their deadly grace.

With that finished, I've turned my mind to non-fiction and more intellectual reads. When I read, I like to go back and forth between fiction and non-fiction.

I just recently received Hos, Hookers, Call Girls and Rent Boys and it's become my hotel book. Picking my way through the stories when I have a few moments, it's great to read the stories of others.  Their stories are voices of encouragement and empowerment. Thank you for this book.  I'm combining this read with Starhawk's Truth or Dare: Encounters with Power, Authority and Mystery. It touches on issues of female empowerment, authority of self and other, magic and seeking enlightenment in shadow work--all topics that mix well with sex work.

I'm coming up to my 10th month, and look on my mostly positive experiences. And honestly, the more I do it, the more I look forward to doing more. I enjoy the polite, secret game that is played during a dinner. I like invoking that spirit of desire, the excitment of newness even in my regular clients. I enjoy playing the role of the courtesan, the brazen whore--the more I do, the more comfortable it comes.  I see myself doing this for some time, years, building a foundation of experience that will continue to build. I don't know how long the path will be, but I'm going to enjoy each step as I follow it where it leads.

Gifts

To be honest, I created a wish list on a whim, not really expecting anything. It was a real surprise and delight the first time I received a package! Shiny new purple butt beads to add to my growing toy collection. I let the anticipation build, and finally had to pull it out for some fun!

After some proper lubing, the beads slid in slow, my friend working them in slow. The taper is great, and as the balls grow larger, I can feel my clit throbbing, pussy aching for penetration. The next one feels almost too large, but it's the last one and it locks in place.  When he pushes inside, I can feel the toy rub against him and it's a short, wild ride to orgasm.  A great toy, thank you so much!

I also love my growing collection of stockings and lingerie. Pantyhose has it's purpose, but stockings just feel naughty. While dressed, it's one of those little sexy secrets, like lacy bras and panties under a t-shirt.

So, again, thanks to anyone who's given this harlot tribute. ;)

Temple of the Red Lotus

It's time for another post about my pet subject: sacred harlotry. Recently, I came across this site: Temple of the Red Lotus.  A temple of sacred sex in FL that has workshops and offers priestess training as a Qadishtu (another term for sacred harlot, although more specific.)

I like a lot of what they say, but when I compare it to the world of RB, it's a little plain, and just a little on the stuffy side.  If someone is really interested in the topic, there's much to learn, but I'm not sure I could run the same business using that terminology.

One of the best parts about this is the *fun* and a bit of glitz with naughtiness sprinkles. There's a spiritual aspect in serving and giving pleasure, but with that is providing a fun and entertaining experience. It's about finding that little something and enjoying the moment. Of course, there's the business parts of it too, but I don't find the sex to be business-like at all. I don't ever want it to be business-like. And as long as it stays fresh for me, I'll keep going.

Lights On, Eyes Open

In my early sexual life, I think I had my eye closed most of the time. It's most natural when faces are pressed closed; shutting out one sense hightens the others. When the world goes dark behind the eyelids, bodies melt together easily, lost in touch and taste.

But more and more, I've been keeping my eyes open to enjoy the show. Something about the newness of each unique experience--and faces. I love watching your faces! Seeing eyebrows furrow in concentration of the rhythm, to that moment of release and you are in total bliss. Yes, and the dreamy look when your face is stuffed with pussy. These looks are my cues and a gift to know how much I please you.

Sometimes, with the bed rocking, it seems like I'm in a boat on the ocean, the walls and ceiling bobbing back and forth. Dimmed lights bring a greater sense of secrecy and intrigue to these trysts, while candlelight always brings me into a sacred place.

of course, there are times when I can't help but close my eyes and lose myself and perhaps that makes watching all the sweeter.

Supply & Demand

My readers have probably noticed my pricing change, the long running recession special (will it end before or after the recession?)

while a higher price meant fewer clients, it also felt harder--those few clients *had to follow through, and I was always worried if I was getting enough business.  This is so much better.  I finally realize it would be better to go with the recession than work against it. By lowering my rate, I'm able to get more calls, which is actually less work for me.

There was a worry that in changing my rate structure would mean less money, or that I'd have to work so much more that I'd start to burn out, but the opposite has been the case.  Is it strange that lowering my rate has increased my sense of worth? Maybe in a capitalist/profit-driven model, yes. But for me, it's never been about making a quick buck, but about surviving and thriving.

I'm glad I stopped worrying about the image my price would reflect and have continued the special. All of my new clients have been really nice, and I feel more in control of my own business now. In a strange way, I like being more financially accessible to people...just my whorish nature, I guess!

On Virginity

With the interest about my recent virgin experience, I wanted to write a little more about it. We treat male virgins so much differently than female virgins--for one group, it's a hurdle to jump over and for the other, this lack of experience is often treated as a gift.

Skeptically, I want to say guys like virgin or innocent girls because they have nothing to live up to. The women won't know what they are missing.  But I don't think sex is supposed to be about impressing anyone with dazzling tricks of pleasure (though that can be fun!) Sex is a primal paring of two people, and I think our bodies mostly go into auto pilot mode.

My friend referred me to this client, we'll call him C. He was my age, one of my younger clients. He's a guy that likes to know things, feels capable in an array of academic fields, but was lacking in experience with relationships and intimacy.  I didn't want to pry into all his reasons, preferring to accept things as they come and for what they are than all the motives behind it.  But I could pick up things.  I think mostly, he just felt it was time to give it a try, but didn't want to embarrass himself in front of a lady he'd been courting. He didn't want such a large unknown looping ahead. Also, the fear of being judged for his lack of skill or experience.

Spending extended time with him before and after our session helped put his mind at east, I feel.  It helped to build rapport and dispel his fears. I let him explore my body with innocent curiosity and eagerness--these two are the beginnings of skilled touches, and a natural gentleness came though. I think it was a gift for both of us--in that he was able to dispel his fears and gain confidence for future encounters, and I was able to gain a better sense of where I came from, and a joy in guiding innocence towards skill.

In and Out of the Whore Closet

It's been a really fabulous week overall, and I'm looking forward to this next one too.  It started with apple-picking in North Bay, picked up back in SF for a bit of work, and then it was back to my ocean-side home to play hostess to some friends.  My two visits were contrasted by work talk, for my cousin is fairly conservative (we once had a conversation about waiting until marriage to have sex--Opps!) and so I had to keep a tight cover on my new occupation.

The economy is just as bad up there, so much of the time was spend in discussion of looking for work, finding ways to cut back money. It made me realize that I've been doing okay for myself. Somehow, in our discussions of media-bias and pension reform (her current pet issue) I neglected to mention my devious own method of "trickle-down economies!"  It was a good weekend in the country that made me miss my foggy city.

With my own house guests, it was much different, for they knew what I did--more than that, they had brought me a client!  Now, that was a first for me. Even when spending extended time with a client, I am more aware of my image and mannerism. I focus on being a more polished version of my personality, and being a perfect hostess.

Let me tell you, it's hard to be polished when your guest roll into town super late  and you are setting beds up for them at 5 am in your PJs.

I think that for this client, a mutual acquaintance and virgin, it was good to spend the extra time as friends and with friends.  I really enjoyed taking charge and leading the way, enjoyed the innocent way he explored my body.  I hope that I was able to instill in him a greater sense of confidence and ability in our session. I wanted him to come away from it knowing he would and could meet other women with out his non-experience ever being an issue to fear.

But I will say I vastly prefer the experienced hand and charm of the older gentleman!

Finding Balance

After a period of wanting and waiting, I'm finally starting to find a good balance between work and my other interests. In doing so, work is much less "work-like." I'm enjoying myself so much more when I banish all worry from my space. Less questioning my own motives and goals behind it (I *do tend to over-analyze things) and more going with the flow.

I don't know if most providers are extroverts, that does seem to be the case, but I've always been an introvert.  However, one-on-one is where I start to blossom. I really enjoy focusing on another person and tending to their needs (part of that submissive behavior).

There was also blackberry picking, and the beginnings of a collage series.  Hiking through pockets of urban wilderness is one of the many reasons I love SF. So many blackberries grow all over lands end, berries in different stages of ripeness. I take only the ripest, purple-black berries that pull off so easily.  There are brambles too, but some masochistic tendency in me enjoys that too.  I like slipping in nimble fingers to pick those hidden in the underside of the bush, navigating the thorny stems.  Picking my fill is a bit of an endurance trial, but I gladly endure it. These hard-won berries make the best scones, the best pie.

I have been working on my art a bit more, collecting images, colors and textures for a series of collages about whoring and sacred whoring. I plan on posting some as I finish them.

But the bit of solitude gets me eager to go out once again. The ritual of putting on makeup and dressing up, making myself ready a client, it helps turn my mind into a different mode and builds my excitement for the main event.  In this mode, I'm better able to relax and help relax my client. In finding my center, I hope to be able to pass that on in my sessions too.

Ideas of Sacred Harlotry

"I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier."  -Rufus, from Dogma

In a previous post, "Secret Conversations", I got a comment that made me want to research more about this sacred harlotry I talk so much about.  It's this idea that I somehow aspire to, but what exactly is it?  I need to know about the history and present of this, idea. And I need to dive into the personal and figure out: in no uncertain terms, what do I aspire to be when I say I want to be a sacred whore.  (And does merely wanting to be one make me one?)

In my search, I found a page with an amazing conversation on the subject of sacred harlotry and just how much of our supposed evidence is really there, and on what basis can one look to history for a foundation. (do we *need* to basis modern harlotry on ancient so-called tradition? Can it be done?)  Not only does the exchange contain many insights, but a lot of links for me to continue my research.  The conversation can be found here, on the Barbelith Underground site.

 I enjoy the rich mythology of the ancient sacred harlot, but I'd be foolish to suggest we could piece together a complete set of guidelines based on ancient Mesopotamian and Greek writings. Nor do Eastern traditions suit me, for it feels too much like cultural appropriation. I'm more interesting in finding my own personal truths to form a modern tradition.

Can't wait to dive into more of these articles!

Positive Thoughts & a Taste of Eroticism

Business has been slow and it's effected my mood (who wouldn't get bored with nothing/no one to do?) I'll be so glad when it picks back up around the last/first of the month.  What happened to all the middle of the month clients?

In any case, I'm trying to focus on the positive.  So I wrote about something I often get compliments on, and is one of my favorite parts about me.

My clit.

My clit is quite large and fleshy, swelling up above my mound when it demands attention. In the mornings, as the sun peeks through my window and erotic wisps of the night's dreams have not yet faded, she grows like a mystical peyote button, and promising as much if only I pluck it from its place.

I reach down and first brush the top of it with my palm, sending delightful shivers through my body.  My clit is eager, swollen pink with desire and already I am wet. My fingers instinctively begin to move in clockwise circles, dipped inside to feel my moistness. The gentle ache to be penetrated, squeezing tight only makes her throb larger. Faster, muscles tighten like violin strings, tuned to sing such beautiful music....then slower, lazy circles that make her tingle and gasp. It's far too late to stop. I've already thrown the bedcovers off, the heat too great. I want to languish on the edge forever, but my clit craves satisfaction.

When I do errupt, it is sudden; I fall over the edge and pleasure fills every pore. I full body shiver for a minute or more, electrified in this release. Ever nerve a live wire and none more live than my darling clit. As the storm calms, soothing waves lap at my body, lounging in release. Quieted (for now) my clit turns too-sensitive to touch and hides again until the next time.

'ho reviews, 'ho movies: Pretty Woman

In an early discussion, I'd mentioned that I hadn't seen Pretty Woman--probably the most known, most referenced whore movie today. I've seen my share, but this one had been off my radar for a while.  I finally saw it and I am glad I hadn't seen it before now.  I can't say for sure, but I think seeing it after providing gave me an insider's perspective.

Also, I could see for myself all the allusions to My Fair Lady. The horse racing scene was a dead give away.

Having seen if after my own experiences, I could see the fantasy of it, and also the bits that were fairly accurate--such as the sense of isolation Vivian feels when trying to go shopping for new clothes. I've always been a jeans & t-shirt kind of girl, and so one of the first things I had to do is begin investing in a more feminine wardrobe--and wearing makeup!  At first it was strange, as I'm fairly non-materialist and saw frilly clothes & make up as unnecessary things that just perpetuate our consumerist society. But it has also been liberating, as I explore the more feminine side of myself. It feels like playing dress-up, or such luxury to dress in fine things and treat myself as not just a person, but as personal expression of beauty.

But I digress. It was a cute romantic comedy, exploring fantasies on both sides.  Spending a week with a handsome business man for $3000- Yes, I'd take that job in an instant! (Okay, after I check references.)

And what about their happily ever after? Well, Edward seems to enjoy having multiple women in his life, and Vivian knows a bit about this nature in men, so perhaps they could have made it work if they didn't try to force their relationship into monogamous terms. Otherwise it's more likely to end like Runaway Bride (minus the happy ending!)

Fishers of Men

Caution: Devout Christians may be offended. Read at your own risk.
(Then again, if you aren't offended already....)

Matthew 4:19

And he said to them, "Come after me and I will make you fishers of men."

Although my actual appointments are not at all like fishing, the time between them is a lot like fishing. First, I prepare the bait--my ad--then wait around for someone to bite. The battle to reel in the fish is the tedious dance of phone calls, screening, scheduling and booking,  each side pulling back and forth, each side willing the other towards them.

But I don't really want to compare my clients to fish caught and eaten. That seems a little too... predatory for me. It's more suitable to my nature to take the religious metaphor and really, am I not a fisher of men?

And I quite like the idea of providing religious experiences.

Specials & Negotations

This is not the week I was hoping to have, but it's given me a lot to ponder.

The first time I held the 2hrs for the cost of 1, just three days, I got good response so I decided to bring it back.  However, this week, most of the calls that came where guys who only wanted 1hr and wanted to pay half my rate!  Okay, I understand the desire for a deal, but really? Really? Then Thursday rolled around and I started getting real inquiries....but they waited a little long to arrange for this week! It will be a while before I advertise such a special again for just anyone--I believe I may keep this one for returning clients.

It is a curious thing that Thursday seems to be my busiest day. In the middle of the week, I'm not sure why this is but a fellow witchy friend informed me that Thursday is Jupiter's Day (or, depending on your pantheon, Thor's Day) and this is a day that is good for money and business. Jupiter's energy is expansive. Would that mean that Saturday (Saturn, the planet of discipline and limits) is a good day for kink?

Secret Conversations

In a conversation with some family friends this weekend, she picked up an SF weekly and started looking at the escort ads pictured there.  A shame that they go so low and allow their bodies to be degraded like that, exc... the same old shame story. I was shocked into silence and wondered how I could defend these girls without attracting attention, without making waves or revealing my secret.

I stayed silent for many moments, judging the hostility of the room. Mostly, they just pitied these women because they assumed their lives were filled with abuse and debasement, that they were not in control.  It really is a shame, I confessed truthfully, because the occupation has honorable roots: the temple harlots and priestesses.  And it wasn't until patriarchal religions took over that the practice was looked down upon. In this culture, it is not seen honorably, and hardly practiced so either.

Oh, it was a wonderful reaction! Part puzzlement, part agreement.  I realized something in that moment too: that as an occupation, we've got some major PR to do if we'd ever want it legalized.  These weren't old conservatives, but modern feminist women.

In a semi-related note, I got a random e-mail from some sort of "fan."  This is his second or third note of random insults from a random source. It's a just a shame some people will seek out negative attention this way. And oh-so grade school to make fun of people. I guess some people are just mean-spirited in that way.

I'm not sure what compelled me to try and work during the weekend. I guess I have just been more business/money focused lately. Perhaps it's Pride. Or maybe the economy. But either way, it ended up being a pretty lonely weekend.

The economy worries me a lot. It's one of the reasons why I'm doing this. And of course, no job is safe from the slowing and the shrinking we are experiencing. I wonder where the bottom lies. I don't worry about surviving, but I do wonder what it will look like. I tend to think it will be worse than some think, but I hope that I'm wrong.

Return of the Special

Last night I was alternating between updating my ad, cooking, house-cleaning and reading and it occurred to me: I haven't gotten any serious queries since the end of the special.  I've grown too content in my book.

It was only three days, but I really enjoyed the burst of business. It was fun, unrushed and drummed up a lot of interest that I think ended too soon.  For the next 5 days, at least, I want to extend the special.

After all, the whole point of this adventure is to have fun and make money. If I'm not getting the calls, then I have the time to spare. And even when I am getting calls--I enjoy taking my time to see each person satisfied.

So I am bringing back the special!

Summer Solstice

Oh what a solstice it's been!  Just last week I was busy with my special. I had been meaning to write about how well it went, and the solstice weekend but truth be told, I got distracted by a new book I bought this weekend.

Jaqueline Carey is my favorite author at the moment, and has been since I read her first book, Kushiel's Dart. In this new book, Naamah's Kiss, the main character is gifted by Naamah, the sacred harlot of Terre D'Ange's pantheon. I particularly like how she handles sexuality and sacredness in these fantasy novels. I like everything about her books, actually but I want to stay on topic! Yes, I think I like her writing enough that I would give her a free session. (A long shot, but a girl can dream, can't she?)

My 2 for 1 special went well, met a couple of nice gentlemen that made it really easy to enjoy myself. I did consider extending it through the weekend, but I had some other plans. It was great to honor the masculine in such a way! 

I don't think it's merely coincidence that Father's Day comes along near the time of the Summer Solstice. The sun has long been linked to the male archetype in the Western World. So the weekend, for me, involved exposing my milky skin to the sun and checking out the North Beach festival. (I may need a more powerful sunscreen if I'm to keep my moon-like glow!)

I have to say, I liked the North Beach fest better than Haight St's fair this year. The Haight St. fair was so crowded, but there was a strange edge to the crowd and it was a little overwhelming.  Plus North Beach had sidewalk artists, so there was just a little more space to breath.

The solstice was busy, bustling. A sowing and planting of seeds, and a celebration of the God who is Her divine lover. I'm looking forward to seeing what beginning of summer will bring me!

Sexuality: Whore

I wouldn't want to make the decision for everybody, but as for myself, I feel my sexuality has a lot to do with my whoring.  Anyone who might ever have the fantasy of domesticating me can dismiss it now. Although I do have a family life, it's not your typical family.

I just don't believe in the whole monogamy thing. One partner is satisfying to many, but there are so many others who find it hard to keep such a commitment. Some, like myself, enjoy variety. I'm polyamorous and dream of a big family and big beds. No kids.

Certainly, my polyamory informs my sexuality when it comes to my work, but I feel it's more than that. This is not about building my family, but building my business. Although I enjoy the repeat clients, most of the time, these are one night only relationships.

Traveling to my appointments, the inner whore really starts to awake. I enjoy a little conversation before to learn the nature of this person. I do learn for my safety, but I trust my gut to alert me. I am already planning my approach.  There is the challenge in the newness which I love, to coax the fantasy from his mind and present it to him. All wrapped up in feminine charm, I can sense his excitement, his need and this too turns me on.

I can't lie and say the money isn't a factor either.  I recall some early experimentation in my college days...trying to find a Dom in Iowa. I'm sure there are a few hiding somewhere, but most of them were just after a free blow. Oh, I can't blame them. But they didn't respect me in the way I sense respect from my clients. Perhaps it's because I have more respect for myself. 

There seems to be a lot of symbolism wrapped up in the money given, the patron gift. Part of it is a respect for a woman's independence, the efforts on her part. After all, we are talking about "the oldest profession," this act goes deep into our psyches. But that seems like a separate topic for another post.

Double Trouble

In my first brainstorming session for a doubles ad, I came up with: double your pleasure, double your fun. But neither of us are the doublemint twins type!

I'm really glad to have found Virgina for doubles.  She's very relaxed, super cuddly and ready to entertain. We had a really great photoshoot--I'm working on the selection right now.

There will be an ad posting up this week for our doubles sessions, with all the details and photos.  Here's a small taste:

Home is Where Your Bed is

Wow, I can't believe what a week this has been! The week has been filled with general debauchery and lace. In fact, between the incall Wednesday, the lucky outcall on Tuesday, two photo shoots, meeting other sister 'hos, planning specials and doubles--not to mention normal start of the month business--Today has been the first chance I could sit down in the morning with a cup of green tea and relax.

Hotel beds are comfy and plush, but I always wake up early and restless. My home bed is my recharger, providing me with more than just sleep. I am greeted by the sun each morning and at night, my handmade quilt cocoons me in warmth.
I don't do many incalls, because for the most part I see only one client a day. For longer sessions, which I prefer, it's great. I enjoy being able to bring more toys and set up the space beforehand for my guest. Since it is my 'home turf,"  I don't need to worry about time as much, or traveling back and forth.  And if I want to lounge naked in my kimono, I can do so.

The downside, is the investment of the hotel room cuts pretty deeply into a single appointment. For longer sessions, it's not much of a concern, but for a single hour appointment--like this week's-- it cuts pretty deep into my profits. Once in a great while (I think it's happened only twice now since I've started) I will get a second call while I'm at the incall and it gets me so excited!

I'm not much of a clock watcher--in fact, many of my clients watch the clock more than I do--but a long hour session does not tire me much. I get off on seeing the man lose himself in the moment, his face changing from a strained ecstasy to a relaxed state of bliss.  And it's a point of pride that my clients leave exhausted. But sending  you off with a big tired grin, only makes me juicy again.

There is much potential in the incall, but I need a different strategy to really find it.

I do love outcalls, though. They are each an adventure. I usually meet them in public first to have a conversation to screen them and break the ice. The settings are always different, as are the clients. I think being in new environments each time makes me observant and extra aware; my skin is alive with sense. Almost all of them say they will call again, but most never do. I used to be a little sad at it, but I realize it's pillow talk. For them, the variety is part of the adventure too, and I wouldn't want to deny you fellows that. I enjoy it very much myself.

the workshop experience

I went to a sex work workshop today (only in SF, right?) and it was excellent. I was surprised at how much I already knew, but glad that I could participate more because of it.  I still learned some new tips and tricks.  I enjoy learning for learning's sake, I'm giddy with new knowledge!

It was equally great to hang out with my fellow "sister hos." I can count the number of friends who know about my work on one hand, and it's good to talk about it and share experiences.  It's good to be able to talk about it with other women who can truly understand--and I'm a little amazed that I feel wiser for these experiences (but not too amazed.)

Of course, I've really only just begun.  Thanks for your continued business. Here's hoping we can make June even hotter!

finding balance

I'm glad things have picked up towards the end of the month. When things are so slow at the start of the month, a slow sort of panic creeps into me that the calls won't come in time.  I enjoy being a low volume, extended session kind of girl, but I want to attract more business turning the first half of the month too.

It seems like some guys might hold out until the end of the month either for budget reasons, or to see if we will lower our prices in the last minute attempt to pull in what's needed. That just seems like a shame, because I'm sure the extra stress makes session less enjoyable for her too.

I have a few ideas to regain balance, to manifest in June.  An old friend is coming to visit me from NYC, haven't seen her in quite a while. She doesn't know what I do, but it will probably come up in conversation.  I consider cover stories--I know I won't be able to tell everyone what I do--but for friends and lovers I prefer full honesty. How else can you really be friends, if they don't know the real you?

Again, it becomes a question of balance, showing enough, but not too much. Showing too much, or being revealed to the wrong people would be a threat to me. Oddly, this seems to be because society is threatened by me, by sex work in general. And I thought it was just because I'm liberal! A lot of things have been called a threat to society: women voting, homosexuality, Socrates, drugs, divorce...and yet here we are. And sex work goes back further than any of those. Sorry Socrates.

Maybe someday we will learn to stop struggling against our natures, and instead find balance within, to create balance without.

She's My Cherry Pie

I can't help but get that cheesy Warrant song stuck in my head when I bring home fresh cherries.


It was one of those big full bags, bursting with firm fleshed cherries, vibrant red, a few dark, almost purple with ripeness. And such good prices!  Okay, they probably are not organic but who could turn down these juicy plump cherries?

Today seems to be fairly quiet, but hopefully the week will pick up.  In the meantime, I have to decide what I'll make with these cherries.  I already have some puff pastry and cherry pie is in my mind....but some chewy oatmeal bars would be healthier....

Sacred Harlotry: the personal

The King is a friend of mine, one of my first in SF that's still around. When I came out to him, the conversation went something like this:

"I'm a whore, you know."
"No, you aren't a whore. You're just a good girl having a fun time."
"Yeah, and I get paid for it."

He's still in a bit of denial. It's kind of sweet, but a little condescending. I can't say I blame him. I've played the good girl way too long all my life, and I play it very well. Partly because what I do, even when I'm being "naughty" or "dirty", feels good and right. I love my whoring (would like to do some more of it, gentlemen!) but I do feel a twinge of guilt that I don't feel bad, and society wants me to. I'm learning to embrace this inner naughty girl, and enjoying all my explorations!

I'm beginning to understand the whoring part. I want to learn more about the sacred part of it.
And just what is sacred whoring, Electra? I have only an inkling of what is was in the past, but more important-what is it now and what will it be for me?

You know, when I think about it, part of it is passing on the feeling of love to anyone who feels in need of it. When I was younger I was fat, ignored and felt unloved. In a way my service is in gratitude for whatever forces made it possible for it to change, and acknowledging that everyone needs love sometimes.

I also remember, not so long ago, asking Her to change, for the power to make those changes possible. I promised her anything that was possible of me, that I would serve as her Priestess and Warrior. In that way, no matter how profane the activities, it is still sacred.

But right now, I really am learning and still an acolyte learning the path. What I need is study and more fucking.

Double Lives

I am well aquatinted with the double life. Even before my current endeavor, through my parents, family and most adults' actions and words, I quickly picked up that some things were better kept private and away from normal conversation. Mostly, these were grey areas, not publicly or socially accepted, something out of the ordinary.

But this isn't just about my work life this time.  In many ways, this city has transformed me far from who I was in the midwest. Home visits are odd and future visits are sure to be even more so.  I have my country life, and my city life. In all of the events following my mom's sudden illness, I am mostly just thankful that I am not there, forced to be in the middle of it.  As the oldest sibling, it's either all or nothing, it seems.

My other secret, my secret work life, I am enjoying more than I thought I would. Most of whom I've met have been really nice normal people and we have a ball. Now and then, someone flakes and I've only learned more from these guys. I love walking around now, with my little secret inside me. Mostly, people pay me no mind and I slip through crowds unnoticed. No one would guess of my secretly wicked occupation.

Sacred Harlotry: A question of authority

sacred
sacred sex
sacred sex work
sacred sex worker

This has been a topic on my mind since before I ventured into "the biz." I continually come back to the ancient knowing that these women were not mere escorts, but priestesses of the Goddess. Men went to them for many reasons. Sex and sensuality were valued in this society, and even the king laid with the head priestess in annual ritual.

I long to take back this sacred heritage, but I am not sure where to start. There are questions I must be able to answer to myself (because others are bound to ask). I mentioned previously, the question of authority. There is also the question of mixing business with religion.

The question of authority is one I've dealt with for a long time. As a Witch, I do not belong to an organized religion (Okay, I'm technically ordained by the Universal Life Church, but that's a long story....) nor do I have an official body of works I could study to claim legitimacy. Believe me, if there were a sex temple where I could go and train in exchange for my service, I would be on my way right now. (Any suggestions?) A witch seeks only to claim personal spiritual authority, to know the land and nature around her. I do not seek good or ill, only balance, and to understand that balance. But the title priestess is something different. It implies study, perhaps a series of initiations, a degree of control.

After only four months of working, there's no question that I still have much to learn. I don't want to discount what knowledge I do have, however. I am more like an acolyte, or an initiate in training for a further degree. In my absolute favorite series, Kushiel's Legacy, they do a year of service before taking the title. Their "court of night-blooming flowers," are also trained in their sensual arts, and must give service to earn their marque- a tattoo that decorates the spine from nape to base. In any case, there is study and service to be done!

Now, as a witch and a harlot...there are still some mystical and sensual arts I can claim authority to. I read the stars and study the tarot and runes. I am starting to see the patterns and currents of the universe. One can't really predict the future, for even your knowledge of it can change it, and many other events can impact the future in ways we don't know. What astrology and tarot can do, however, is to gain an understanding of what is influencing us. In understanding ourselves, we can be more in control and less a product of our environments.

I can also turn you into a newt, but It will get better. ;)

April Showers

I do wish I had more positive things to write about, instead of complaining. Last week I learned a few important but expensive lessons. If it makes me more cautious in my screenings, so be it.

My mother is sick. I really debated writing about it at all. I don't need to fish for sympathy, nor divulge personal details. But I do welcome positive thoughts. Friday she has a pretty serious surgery and once that is successfully open, most of my worries will be dismissed. Most times, any kind of work is a welcomed distraction from the multiple stresses life brings, but I won't be committing to anything Friday until I hear that all is well.

It didn't really help that it's that especially emotional time of the month for me. Everything gets blown up a little more, and multiple stresses and worries just compound. It's actually quite tiring.

Do you know what else is tiring? Excuses. I've given myself plenty when it comes to delaying website and blog updates. Procrastination has always been a habit of mine, along with my various excuses for that. But I see how it could be taken as disinterest or doubt, and that's certainly not the image I want to project.

There has been a lot of questioning going on. I've been trying to pin down what it is most that my clients like, the most effective parts and phrases of my ad and site. A mental dissection. Also, what phrases or images should I invoke to attract the safe and respectful clients I wish to see, and not attract those who are only interested in doing harm?

Also, I have this sacred sex thing. The sacred harlot. This subject deserves its own post. I am mostly concerned with the subject of authority--on whose authority do I dare claim status as a priestess of harlots? Well, I need to save that discussion for another post.

How I Paid $80 to Watch South Park

In this biz, like any business, not every choice is a sure one.

My week started off well, with a sweet guy whose plane was late, but still made some time to see me. We didn't get the sushi like we had planned, but it was still a fun evening.  I had already headed downtown to hang out with some friends, but I was able to change my plans easily enough.  I do think earlier in this venture, I would have hesitated to rush out to meet someone. I prefer to plan ahead, but I felt in control and confident.

There was also the possibility of my first repeat client and that was exciting too. Enough men in my personal life & business have told me they want to see me again enough times that I tend to take it with a grain of salt.  I would certainly see any of my clients again and I've been curious to see who will be my first repeat. Business-wise, this is easier and safer, but truthfully part of what I like about this job is the meeting of new people, having new experiences.  And that's probably what many hobbyists like about it too: the variety. But now I'm off-topic.

Wednesday's original appointment fell through; he was stuck late at work.  Try as I might, I couldn't get anyone else to fill the space. Maybe everyone is busy doing their taxes last minute?  A little disappointed, a little frustrated at not working last night. But it wasn't a waste.

Russian Hill is a nice area, a few lingerie stores in the area.  I ended up getting a corset. Not too fancy, but I like how it hugs my frame and emphasizes my curves--and it has garter straps for stockings.

And of course, South Park's 200th episode.  Back at my apartment, we don't have cable so I miss my comedy central at times.  I really am a sucker for South Park! Hilarious and crude in their social commentary, and not afraid to poke fun at anything, including themselves.  So at least I got to watch that!

A Cooking Experiment

In a conversation with a client over drinks, we discussed our favorite cuisine.  Sushi is still currently my favorite here, but I also like Indian Food.  Not the best choice for a date unless you like spicy breath later, we decided. But it planted a seed, began as a craving and it slowly grew over a few days.  I decided not only was I going to have some Indian food, but I was going to make it myself.

I really love to cook, and it's even more fun trying new recipes. Until now, I had only attempted indian food through jars of sauce and pre-made food.  The complex mix of spices and flavors in their sauces seem to require a lot of cooking and simmering.

I decided on a mushroom curry.  I had found a recipe online that brought the steps down simply enough.  Cook the spice mixture in oil. Add onions, cook until golden brown. Add ginger and garlic paste and cook more.  Add tomatoes and cook until the oil separates from the rest. Add mushrooms and simmer until done.  Unfortunately, the recipe didn't get much more detailed than that. I truly had no idea how long this was gonna take, or just how long to take each step! I dive in head-first anyway.  After all, I had just bought these wonderful spices from a fragrant spice shop, had fresh ingredients. Surely, it would all just come together.

Powdered spice cooking in oil. A hard thing if you've never done it, and I never had.  I didn't want to burn the spices, just toast them. I wasn't sure just what it would smell like either, when toasted so I took my best guess.  The onions too, probably could have browned a little bit more. And in retrospect, the tomato probably needed more time to cook down into a sauce.  The result was edible, but the textures all off, the flavors not developed enough.

That's probably why they never do indian food on Iron Chef.

I see also, that I could benefit from a healthy dose of patience in my life.  I've been so concerned with immediacy and fast results that I pushed myself too fast.  This business too, is a little like a curry.  Now that I've got all the ingredients together and I'm comfortably put together, it's time to let it simmer and brew for a while. Adding a bit here and there to improve on the main ingredients requires careful tending, but mostly I need to let it brew.



I've been working on the pages for my provider section at the top, and you should expect to see some developments there soon. More details, refreshed information and hopefully more attention-getting.

Writers Block

It's been hard to write lately! I have bits and pieces of post, but hardly complete thoughts. Some of it, I think, I am concerned with the feel and layout of this blog. I want it to be polished, refined and professional. And then I catch myself-- if it's too polished, will it seem unauthentic? Perhaps part of the charm of this blog is the rawness, my choice to speak  these inner thoughts that others would shy away from. There is a very private side of me who continually hides and makes me question just what is sharable....how much to reveal, how much to bare, before it is too much and it becomes painful?

But there's also the question of ad copy, and my provider section for this site.  It took me a while to be happy with my re-write and I'm still sitting on my pro-sub ad, staring blanking at words. Perhaps I need to read books for a while, look at words in a fresh light. Digital words start to blend together for me; reading too much online gives me ADD.   I haven't done too many sub session, so there must be something up with my ad. It's simply not working.  I need to focus on what I enjoy about submission, spend some time with it before I can write this.

I haven't been able to get into that subspace lately, sadly.  One client did pin me down, held my wrists above my head...that was good.  It's little things like that, in the moment, that gets me.

More updates. I need someone who will whip me into updating this blog more....any takers?

A Coming Out Story

As you might imagine, there's not very many people I tell about my work. People who knew me before, my family, casual people I meet....I am not always sure how to breach the subject, so it's easier not to mention it. There are many reasons, but the one in the forefront in my mind is that I don't want them to feel sorry for me. It's fine if they are concerned for me, they care about me, but I don't want to be seen as someone to pity. Lucky for me, this doesn't have to be the case.

My old college roommate and I had some great times in our day. He balanced out our apartment of three girls and neither one of us minding hearing the other's sex against our shared wall. It made going to college in midwest totally worth it (okay, it really wasn't that bad....) Previously in conversation, we joked about becoming a world-traveling call boy/girl team (we like to dream big) and more recently, talk of recession and second jobs brought us to the subject again.

I wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't already been fairly sure of his reaction. But still, after telling him I wondered how it would change our relationship. I really couldn't have asked for a better friend, not only did he take it well, I believe his words were, "I'm so proud of you!"

What a breath of fresh air, to realize my old friend still gets me after all this time, after all the changes California had had on me. And it's great to know age and the midwest hasn't worn down his liberal views (Which seems to be the case for many of my high school friends.)

It's so much easier to stand with your head tall when you aren't trying to hide in the shadows.

Blogger's New Template Design & Diva Story

Blogger has finally created a better template designer!  The announcement was in my inbox today and I've only checked it out a little bit, but I'm very excited: I love playing around with design and layouts and was starting to get frustrated with Blogger's limited templates.  I was even considering a move to WordPress for better templates.  Expect a newly designed blog sometime around April!

I've been mulling over some thoughts, trying to figure how best to write about my experience.  I've got to say, I'm really enjoying my new job and I had good luck since that first disrespectful client--perhaps the power of the pen scares them into steering clear of me, to mess with someone else who won't immortalize their asshat behavior? Actually, now that I think of it, there is one fellow that deserves mention.....

This fellow is a bit of a diva.  He had called me once before, wanting to meet for drinks before deciding if he wanted to see more of me.  That's fine, and I didn't hold it against him when he didn't call for some time.  Then, out of the blue, there is a call; he wants me to rush over, drop my plans to come see him again. No commitment to a session, just more drinks. (And really, I've been wanting to curb my drinking.) I offered to see him a little later, after running my errands for the day but he called back to tell me if I didn't hurry, it would be too late, he's gonna pop, maybe call someone else.  Okay fine, if it's that bad, better get someone to take care of it.  Did I mention diva?  But here's the punchline: he calls back a third time to try and get me over there. Do you want to schedule a session with me or not?  Do I offer half-hours? No, I don't. Never have and I never will--a half hour is simply not enough time to more than a quick fuck and that's not what I'm about.

Please. I do love meeting new folks, and I work to make our meeting both affordable and a truly intimate experience. But if you can't afford an hour, don't ask for a half hour: see someone else.  If you just *have* to cum *now* and don't have a relaxed hour to spare: see someone else. I promise not to be offended.

Oh, and don't be a diva unless you wear a wig and work in the Castro!

Spring in Her Step

Spring is finally here! The weather has warmed, blossoms are out, and many of us have had our first bbq of the year, all of the signs are present. The winters in San Francisco are much milder than I'm accustomed to, but I still notice the change and try to mark the occasion properly.

I've had some wonderful times, but I'm not sure just how to go about writing them. A little distance can help to write about something, help the metaphors come together. Perhaps our memories break down into stories over time naturally. I keep important details to myself and hold them sacred--these are held in trust and were never meant to be shared. Names, personal details, identifying information. But my own experience and what lessons I gleam from the experience is something I'd like to write about to help solidify them in my mind.

Right now, I'm mostly just thankful for the warm spring, the stirring life, and always, I'm thankful for such sweet guys whom help me out and make this job enjoyable. I did wonder, before I started, if things would be cold and mechanical if it became a business transaction. Thank goodness, that's not been the case at all. In fact, most of it seems to be much more honest than how other business is done.

I do believe I shall find a lot of preconceptions shall be false. My research continues.....

hobbyists, wanna try escorting?

Maybe the recession's got you, and the idea pops into your head: you could turn the tables, start getting paid instead of paying. I don't know the slightest what the M4W market is, but this article gives a fun glimpse into the life of a middle-aged male escort.

Excerpt:

The doors open and three women step on: a blonde, a brunette and one whose hair has been bleached and blown dry so many times it's not a discernible color. All of the women could stand to have a good 3 inches cut off their hair. They wear slight variations on the Little Black Slut Dress. They wear too much makeup, a pair of shoes that doesn't quite match the dress, towering heels.

The man in the corner rolls his eyes and thinks to himself, "And I'm the hooker."

The full article found here: http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/03/11/confessions_of_call_bear/index.html

What I liked best about the article was that it highlighted the fact that there is truly a market for everyone. I am not model-perfect. I fall somewhere between "curvy" and the small end of "bbw," and I look sweet, innocent and not at all the hooker-type. In fact, if I had to bleach my hair, buy contacts and stop wearing jeans, there's no way I could do this job! Thank goodness for diversity!

Everything I needed to know about sex work, I learned from sci-fi

Okay...some of these are better than others. Some are more obscure than others, and some are a stretch. But feel free to add more in the comments! Bonus if you know where they come from.


1. Always know where your towel is.

2. Remember: Don't Panic.

3. Small furry creatures are always a bad idea.

4. Stay on target....

5. Size matters not.

6. Weakness can often be traced to a small exhaust port...

7. The term is companion.

8. A companion chooses her own clients. That's guild law. But physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for a compatibility of spirit... There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.

Atheist Hotel

I was visiting a couple friends the other day in their room, and somehow conversation turned on the Bible. I've studied it just a little bit (as a scholar and someone interested in spirituality) and so I turned to grab a copy that most hotels have in their bedside drawer.... but this hotel room had no Bible!

This is the first time I've seen this, perhaps I've spent too much time in the midwest?

Why Men Use Prostitutes

This article is about a BBC study done, interviewing 12 men about their habits and feelings behind the hobby. I found it an interesting but narrow article, as there aren't enough men interviewed for a true average sampling. What I didn't like was the highly misogynist tone taken, with one passage that stood out to me in particular.

From the article:

Others were clear that they paid for sex in order to be able to totally control the encounter, including Bob, who said, "Look, men pay for women because he can have whatever and whoever he wants. Lots of men go to prostitutes so they can do things to them that real women would not put up with."

Link to full article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes

So, according to Bob, escorts are not real women? Just what makes a woman "real" then? It sounds like only women who are restrictive and not sexually curious qualify. Perhaps it's different in the UK, but we all have our restrictions.

I, for one, have felt my femininity celebrated since starting down this path, and I hope I'm not the only one. I wouldn't do anything that I felt was truly degrading or dehumanizing--but this has more to do with the manner than the action. I have been flogged, tormented, and felt honored to give my submission. When eyes gaze and hands begin to roam, I am honored in my womanhood.

Yes, there have been instances when I felt reduced and degraded, and these men did not get past a phone call. I've got nothing against good kinky fun, and even a little objectification is okay when the sex object is appreciated for what it gives, but those who can't respect their fellow humans and see them as "less" in some way....I just can't get down with that.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I haven't written in a while, and it has been quite the week (and not yet over!) After having so many incall requests, I finally decided to get myself one. After these experiences the past few days, I greatly prefer outcalls. And I'm really sorry to say, after all those requests, no one has given me any reason to continue doing outcalls. Of course, every cloud has a silver lining and all that jazz...

The Good

If I'm going to say it, I'll say it proudly: I enjoy having sex with strangers. One of my favorite thing about this is meeting new people and fucking them. In sex, we become vulnerable to each other, our masks fall away and we come undone. If each allows for it to happen, the ego drifts away and the present moment expands until the whole universe is felt in their joining. In those moments, you can truly know a person. I think the secret is that both (or all, if you are into groups) parties need to be present, need to open themselves for the most impact. If one person holds back, clings to the mask in an effort to shield themselves, they cannot be open to the healing human touch being offered.

The Bad

I've had two incall days, and nothing but calls for future dates. Why must you tease so? Before I offered incall, a good chunk of my calls were asking for incalls. I know the pictures must be distracting, but the ad does have a lot of important information, gentlemen.... So, when I got a bit of money, I decided to give the incall a try. Maybe it's Murphy's Law, but the second I advertised it, I stopped getting calls for it!

Perhaps it is that these callers are simply not serious. They like to play at the fantasy, but whatever their reasons, they don't intend to follow through. I don't judge them, so long as they have some respect for me and my time. When they do waste my time and my money, they stop being just bad...

The Ugly

I have had some time to chill out since then, so I will try to retain a polite tone. A guy called (I certainly can't call him gentleman) asking for a short date, seemed nice enough. When one reference didn't answer right away, he gave me another which came back okay. When he gets here, he pulls the apologetic, check-hasn't-gone-through-yet BS and asks to come back later. Sure, if it goes through at midnight, why not? I need the money. I didn't expect him to come back, but I offered. He calls back 40 minutes later, after he gets home to ask about half hour rates and yell at me when I won't haggle.

Oh, no. You do not just waste my time and my money, treat me like garbage. First of all, you called me back to yell at me--so don't tell me to leave you alone. Because I surely will and if I had my say, every girl in the bay area would too!

I think it's incredibly disrespectful to ask for half hour appointments when my ad does not offer them. I even say in my ad: I am built for endurance, not speed. I wasn't lying, or trying to be clever. It takes time to know each other for the first time. A half hour means you only interested in getting your rocks off. And to try and lowball me? No, dear. I'm not your cheap floozy. Karma comes around, and I'll leave it to the Goddess to sort this one out.

Thank you. This concludes our rant for this evening. Tune in next time for more cheerful news.

Sex and Embodiment

I learned to love my body through sex. Learned to love myself through sex.

If you knew me growing up, I'd have been the last one you would suspect would go into sex work. In school, I was very much the loner; a few close friends but I held them at distance. I didn't entertain romantic relationships because I felt so burdened and unattractive due to my weight. Consequently, I lived mostly in my head, disconnected from the chunky shell of inhabitance.

Sex pulled me out of my head and into my whole body. Thoughts and words dissolved into feelings and senses. I felt and reacted instinctively,unlocking a wisdom locked in my limbs, my skin. And in laying there after, his body next to mine, I was able to see and feel myself in a fully embodied way. I was not just a mental self locked in a material shell. That shell of a body was as much a part of me as my thoughts, just as important and worthy as any other part of me.

This new sense of embodiment was a super power that allowed me to gain a better grasp on the world, not to mention my own body. And the more I used this power, the stronger it and my body became. I had always known I was worthy of love--that was not the problem--but finally, I began to love my body. I loved it for it's capabilities, to move, to interact, to learn, to grasp, to sense.....all these, in a way my brain can only intellectualize and attempt to write about.

In taking full control of my whole self, I've become thinner, healthier, more confident in myself and my ability to move through the world. And knowing that I am my own business has reinforced this. I am not just a series of repeated tasks, hour after hour like a mindless machine working for a faceless company's profit. I am totally in control of my life and destiny and I have every tool needed to succeed within me.

The girl's in Switzerland will stop your heart....

...and start it back up for you at no extra cost.

I spotted this news article about Swiss girls adding a new special feature to their bordellos:defibrillators!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7259636/Swiss-prostitutes-trained-to-use-defibrillators-in-brothels-to-prevent-clients-dying.html

It seems that due to a high number of elderly client deaths, the girls in the area of Lugano are now installing defibrillators and being trained in their use. Prostitution is legal in Switzerland, so I guess life-saving techniques are a fringe benefit of that. Makes me wonder what else would change if the business were completely legal....

Naughty, Dirty Sex

"Oh, you're so dirty....such a bad girl."

The words are always spoken with a certain relish, desire and approval and I agree earnestly, arching my back to take another smack to my already cherry-red ass. Yes, I say, punish me. I've been so bad. That's how some like their girls: Dirty. And I happily oblige.

It probably goes back to our Puritanical roots, but our culture has this strange love-hate relationship with sex. Sex, in general, is dirty and the stranger it is, the dirtier it becomes. And (especially) girls who partake of such activities are bad.

Well, I confess...I don't really get it. In the moment, his hand in my hair, cock deep in my ass, I get it and the words don't matter so much as the feelings evoked in our voice and moans... but when I'm off duty, the words catch me off guard.

I've always felt sex was natural; our bodies our birthed from it, and we are built to feel pleasure in it. How can it be wrong? But then, I've never subscribed to conservative moral standards. I am bisexual, polyamorous and submissive. My sexuality dwells in the shadows, but it's always felt right for me.

Are "Personas" Masks?

I did my research before starting this venture, and read a lot about creating personas, reminded me of theater or roleplaying. I enjoy my share of roleplay (Professor/student is my favorite!) but when it has come to creating a "provider persona," I hesitate because I don't to sound hollow or fake. And when it comes to this blog, I think this has prevented me from writing as much as I set out to.

Much of this is the struggle to be genuine, but not reveal too much. I want to be real, but not go into nitty-gritty details that would shatter the fantasy--and I want to acknowledge the role fantasy plays in this job, without becoming fake. The trick is to find that balance, to pull fantasy into reality, blur the lines in a pleasing way.

Of course, many parts of my life are simply off-topic to this blog (like my love of cooking!) and would just clutter up the site. I go off tangent enough and I want to stick to the juicy stuff. I acknowledge that this is a character-changing journey I am on, and an opportunity to catalyze change into a person of my own chosing rather than the circumstances around me.

But back to personas....

In many ways, the word "persona" reads "mask," something about the word says false, or at least, glossed-over. But a person may wear many masks--we have our public face, our private self, and every role we play, every label we take on. And we are all of them combined. We our actions and emotions, our bodies and minds and the words we speak. Now, I may be getting too philosophical for this blog... but what can I do?

I suppose I shouldn't worry too much about being fake--I am an excellent storyteller, but I can't live a lie.

a week of birthdays or sushi for 4

My birthday falls the last week of January, and I had the means and reason for celebration, which had been planned for the weekend but rippled out over the whole week. Most of the time, this is Superbowl time, and my birthday is shared with lots of grunting men and watching tight asses...so I can't complain. For the first time in a while I didn't worry about making my budget.

Sushi is one of my favorites and so I had sushi for my birthday. Two big trays of sushi for four of us. So many varieties, I'd be hard-pressed to name them all--salmon, yellow tail, tuna, teriyaki rolls. Of course, some californias. My very favorite are the spider rolls--soft shelled crab. And bbq'd eel. We did not go hungry that night! We took on those trays like champions and it was well worth the wait until my birthday.

I have seen precious few clients so far, so I daresay I am still in the "honeymoon phase" of this, but I have to confess.... it's everything I dreamed it would be. I hope it lasts. Thank you, gentlemen, each of you, for wonderful afternoons, worry-free encounters and mutual bliss. I could not ask for more. Thank you also, to all my readers, who inspire me to keep this blog.

February is a whole new month to look forward to.

My First Time

It was one summer during college. To be honest, I don't remember which summer; during school years and college years, the summers were always a strange in between time that held little order or purpose. This particular summer, after chatting with a fellow on the internet, decided to meet. Hardly professional, but then, I didn't see it as prostitution at all.

We met at a hotel so he could take pictures. We fooled around a little after that and received the digital camera for the afternoon. He never did ask for copies of the pictures. I think he just had fun taking them. I had fun posing, and fun fooling around after that. And I enjoyed the camera for years after that. It was really only after the fact that I realized our little trade may have been ooo...sinful.

It never felt wrong. In fact, it felt pretty right. Models get paid...what....thousands to post and act sexy? Was there the expectation of sex? I don't know, because I never denied him. I wanted it just as much as he did. So it's hard to say really if he thought he was giving his camera for sex or not. Would he have argued or whined if I'd stuck to only posing?

In the end, it didn't matter to me what his intentions were. I knew my own intentions. And there was nothing more satisfying than seeing the relaxed smile on his face after blowing his load--even the camera. Had I been able to take a picture, I might have. But like him, I didn't really need a copy. The memory, the experience was more than enough.

Rules and Limits for Fetish

Are you are interested in exploring the edges of sexuality? I am quite adventurous, non-judgmental and all too happy to serve you in this manner. Please take a moment to learn about my favorite kinky activities (and those I cannot perform) to see if we are a good match.

I enjoy many aspects from the submissive side of BDSM both personally and professionally, and pride myself in my eager service to novice and veteran alike. Some of my favorites include:

Humiliation: face slapping, hairpulling, verbal abuse, objectification
Sadomasochism: wartenburg wheels, floggers and wax—oh my!
Sensory play
Slave & Slut training
Fetish exploration: Feet/heels, cross-dressing, toys, food, male penetration
Menstrual play (this one requires a bit of advanced planning!)
Ass play , spanking and enema play
Tickle torture
Domestic discipline
Roleplaying: sexy librarian, naughty student, temple harlot, captive maiden, hostage and more


My Safeword and Limits

While I'd hate to interrupt a scene, I do occasionally need a breather. For such times, I employ the safeword RED to signal a pause. This safeword is for both of us to use and must be honored by both parties. Don't worry, in most cases it just means a readjustment or pause before we can continue.


For the health and safety of myself and all my dear friends, I must limit myself and abstain from certain activities. I do love to try new things, and so my list is short, but non-negotiable.

I do not offer uncovered services. Toys, for ease of cleaning, must also be covered.
I am not blindfolded.
I do not engage in golden showers, scat, blood or breath play.
I am not struck near any internal organs, or my eyes.
I am not kicked, trampled or choked.
I do not play with violet wands. (I much prefer wands made of flesh!)

Also, as a general consideration, I ask that you write to me in the manner befitting a gentleman and not go into graphic detail in your e-mails. There will be time enough for brazen talk in private.

A Whore's Place-in Myth, pt1

One of my favorite myths is the epic of Gilgamesh, for within it is a glimpse of ancient sexuality, and gives a most ennobling roles to my vocational ancestor--the temple harlot. The story is set in Ancient Mesopotamia (modern day Iraq), and follows King Gilgamesh of Uruk and his friend, Enkidu.

In the story, King Gilgamesh is told a wild man living outside the walls of the city. He is hairy, unclothed, unwashed. So uncivilized is he that the animals are not bothered by his presence; he is able to graze with the antelope and hunt with the lions. But Gilgamesh knows what to do--he pulls aside a temple prostitute, Shamhat, and tells her his plan. She is a priestess of Ishtar, an earthly embodiment of the Goddess' love of man and creative passions. When the wild man sees her, he is entranced--he feels the recognition of his own species and is easily seduced by the priestess' gentle touch and soothing voice.

After their lovemaking, the man is forever changed--the animals are spooked by his scent. The hair on his body begins to thin so Shamhat clothes him and keeps him warm, showering him with affection. It is she who first civilizes him and brings him to the city to live with other humans.

...the wild man, Enkidu, goes on to become the King's most trusted friend. The harlot's brief but vital role is glossed over in many versions, and in some translations she is called a temple singer to make it more "family friendly", but it does reveal the sacred roots of the world's oldest profession. It is woman--not man--responsible for soothing humans' wild tendencies. It is she who pulls out the animal in him, gives him a safe place to express it, and allows his higher consciousness to take full reign.

It also reminds me of another myth.....but I will save that for another post.

Opening for Business

I am so glad that 2009 is over and done with. It has been nearly a year since I was let go at the bindery. My boss had always been a curmudgeon, but after a couple of months of walking on eggshells, trying to do my job as quickly, quietly, and invisibly as possible, I was almost relieved when it happened. I say almost, because my main feelings were worry (how do I find another job in a recession?) and misplaced guilt (What could I have done better?). For many months, I wouldn’t even look for jobs in my trade, so uncertain I was in my abilities.

Things have gotten better. I met someone who renewed my confidence, put the magic back in my life (literally, but that’s another post!) and I am more determined than ever to make 2010 the best ever. With this year, I am trying something different. I love working with my hands, but art-related jobs (non-digital art, at least) are hard to come by, especially in this economy. In previous months, I have applied to retail, office/admin, clerical, cleaning jobs…but guess what? They all want previous experience! Trying to sell my skills, to convince these people that as an artist and bookbinder I had experienced many work situations and was capable of taking on the job…well, it felt a lot like prostitution.

Which made me think…why the fuck should I sell myself for under $15/hr—and be happy about it?

I’ve been interested in sex work for a long time, even made a trade a time or two, although it didn’t really feel like I was whoring myself out. But for months, I’ve thought, why not? I have no moral or ethical qualm about it. I like sex, enjoy getting to know people, and I even happen to prefer older gentlemen.

I remember going on an interview that went too well, and after researching the company a little, find that it’s a door-to-door sales position. I remember a moment of honest consideration in taking that job and how worthless it made me feel to think that this was what my college degree amounted to.

So I paint a mental picture for myself. How would it feel to run hands down a naked form, grasp his cock and work that lasting sigh of release from him? To have him touch, grope and know my body like a lover? And it does not feel low to me, at all. To leave him with a smile and relaxation, and paid well for my efforts….would feel infinitely better than peddling office supplies door to door.

So the decision was made, and here I am!