Creating a Temple of Passion

This is really only the beginning.

I have been both eager and tentative about settling down any roots for this work. But now I have my hands on an opportunity to share a space and establish it's look and feel--a temple of passion.  Dedicated, not to any one God or Goddess in particular, but dedicated to the women who work in the space and the men who seek to release...their stress and worries, who I hope will find much satisfaction here.

I seek to be careful too, and I delayed any announcement at first. Who knows if everyone involved will really mix until you've tried it? And I feel a lot of potential in the space.

It may require a "temple raising" party......

April Showers

What's that saying about April? April showers bring May flowers?


There is a slowness in this time just before taxes, and as such, my mind turned away from this in search of something to occupy it, to keep from worrying how long it would last...I'd prefer to write about happy, positive things.

I read a lot of Crowley and sex magic and I feel that it misses some element that I desire. It feels written by men, for men and though he praises Babalon, I can't help but think he wouldn't know the Goddess if she pinned him down and had her way with him!

I read about sacred intimacy and tantra and sex therapy and feel something missing too. I love the feminine, receptive quality and emphasis on the healing that can take place. They acknowledge that a genuine connection between two people is healing in itself.  There is also a serious sense to all this, and I miss a sense of playfulness and the power of taboo.

But truly, in my best sessions, these elements are barely in the background, if present at all. There is respect, a mutual trust, connection, playfulness, and the edge of doing potentially naughty things. It is doing one's will. And somehow, these delightful, tingling, naughty play times are healing--to myself and I hope also to those who see me. It's my desire to create an experience that is whatever they are seeking. It can be healing, wholesome, naughty, indulgent or something in between.

Love is the Law

I am still trying to figure out Crowley. Much of it is too ceremonial for my tastes. I prefer something more wild, intuitively done. And yet, I recognize the value in work that has been done. The texts I've been reading are gold mines of magical clues and inspiration.

Here is one particular passage that I've been reflecting on recently, from The Book of the Law:

61. But to love me is better than all things: if under the night stars in the desert thou presently burnest mine incense before me, invoking me with a pure heart, and the Serpent flame therein, thou shalt come a little to lie in my bosom. For one kiss wilt thou then be willing to give all; but whoso gives one particle of dust shall lose all in that hour. Ye shall gather goods and store of women and spices; ye shall wear rich jewels; ye shall exceed the nations of the earth in spendour & pride; but always in the love of me, and so shall ye come to my joy. I charge you earnestly to come before me in a single robe, and covered with a rich headdress. I love you! I yearn to you! Pale or purple, veiled or voluptuous, I who am all pleasure and purple, and drunkenness of the innermost sense, desire you. Put on the wings, and arouse the coiled splendour within you: come unto me!
62. At all my meetings with you shall the priestess say—and her eyes shall burn with desire as she stands bare and rejoicing in my secret temple—To me! To me! calling forth the flame of the hearts of all in her love-chant.
63. Sing the rapturous love-song unto me! Burn to me perfumes! Wear to me jewels! Drink to me, for I love you! I love you!
64. I am the blue-lidded daughter of Sunset; I am the naked brilliance of the voluptuous night-sky.

Sex Workers & Cheating

On one of my online discussion groups for poly people, they have been talking about infidelity in the poly community.  If there is to be some openness, how much, and are you responsible for  knowing what your partner does? What makes one a "cheater?"

To be honest, my opinions on conventional marriage are...less than conventional. I didn't care to comment on what I thought cheating was...until someone posted this question:

What about sex workers? If a guy sees an escort behind his wife's back, does that make the escort a cheater?

As you can imagine, I had something to say about this. My response follows (edited slightly for my blog.)

How is it that a sex worker is supposed to know if their client is cheating or not?

In my experience, the client wants to keep some distance.  Many will give a fake name. I rarely need to know their full real name, the details of where they work, or their relationship status. Some are married and keep their rings on. Some tell me about their wives.  Some will hide their ring in their car and I never know if they are married or not

In my opinion, they are paying for an experience that's outside their normal life. They pay for discretion. They pay for a little relief from whatever stress they have.  Sometimes, they pay me to listen. They pay me to take them as they are, not to pry or judge them.

I view the provider/client relationship similarly to a therapist/client or even priest/confessor relationship. I'm not necessarily paid to, but I am empathetic to their situations. Some of them have broken relationships they have tried to fix, and visiting a pro is their best solution.  Better to get the sexual relief in that way, then to start courting other women and forge a new relationship where they might get emotionally involved, causing even more trouble (albeit, their own fault!)

It's not a perfect system, but we do not live in a perfect world.

Essential Traveling Items

I pack a fresh bag each time I'm going to an incall, and try to show off my favorite new outfit or lipstick shade. The styles and colors may change with the season. There is the standard toothbrush and toiletries, these are not unique to any bag, but there are a few items that I consider essential to ply my trade and feel at my sexiest.

-Kimono. Terry cloth robes are warm, but they are too bulky for me.  I enjoy the wide sleeves and breeziness of the fabric. If I was limited to a single piece of clothing, this would be it.

-Condoms & Lube. This probably goes without saying, I couldn't do very much without them. I like to bring a variety of sizes, flavored & unflavored. Liquid Silk is my favorite brand of lube--everything is more fun with lube! What's great about this one too, is it's very neutral in flavor and doesn't get tacky.

-Toys. I have a slowly growing collection of toys, for a variety of play. These are usually brought out only in longer sessions or for doubles. However, I always have them in case of a special request!

-Stockings. I dress pretty casual out in public, so dressing up for a private date is a special thing for me. As I've said before, stockings just feel sexy.

-Fresh fruit & healthy snacks. I love most fruit and vegetables, as long as they are fresh. And it so much better than eating take out or pizza while I am kitchen-less. I'm on the look out for  honey crisp apples this season, and filling up on plums, peaches and blueberries in the meantime.

the workshop experience

I went to a sex work workshop today (only in SF, right?) and it was excellent. I was surprised at how much I already knew, but glad that I could participate more because of it.  I still learned some new tips and tricks.  I enjoy learning for learning's sake, I'm giddy with new knowledge!

It was equally great to hang out with my fellow "sister hos." I can count the number of friends who know about my work on one hand, and it's good to talk about it and share experiences.  It's good to be able to talk about it with other women who can truly understand--and I'm a little amazed that I feel wiser for these experiences (but not too amazed.)

Of course, I've really only just begun.  Thanks for your continued business. Here's hoping we can make June even hotter!

finding balance

I'm glad things have picked up towards the end of the month. When things are so slow at the start of the month, a slow sort of panic creeps into me that the calls won't come in time.  I enjoy being a low volume, extended session kind of girl, but I want to attract more business turning the first half of the month too.

It seems like some guys might hold out until the end of the month either for budget reasons, or to see if we will lower our prices in the last minute attempt to pull in what's needed. That just seems like a shame, because I'm sure the extra stress makes session less enjoyable for her too.

I have a few ideas to regain balance, to manifest in June.  An old friend is coming to visit me from NYC, haven't seen her in quite a while. She doesn't know what I do, but it will probably come up in conversation.  I consider cover stories--I know I won't be able to tell everyone what I do--but for friends and lovers I prefer full honesty. How else can you really be friends, if they don't know the real you?

Again, it becomes a question of balance, showing enough, but not too much. Showing too much, or being revealed to the wrong people would be a threat to me. Oddly, this seems to be because society is threatened by me, by sex work in general. And I thought it was just because I'm liberal! A lot of things have been called a threat to society: women voting, homosexuality, Socrates, drugs, divorce...and yet here we are. And sex work goes back further than any of those. Sorry Socrates.

Maybe someday we will learn to stop struggling against our natures, and instead find balance within, to create balance without.

A Coming Out Story

As you might imagine, there's not very many people I tell about my work. People who knew me before, my family, casual people I meet....I am not always sure how to breach the subject, so it's easier not to mention it. There are many reasons, but the one in the forefront in my mind is that I don't want them to feel sorry for me. It's fine if they are concerned for me, they care about me, but I don't want to be seen as someone to pity. Lucky for me, this doesn't have to be the case.

My old college roommate and I had some great times in our day. He balanced out our apartment of three girls and neither one of us minding hearing the other's sex against our shared wall. It made going to college in midwest totally worth it (okay, it really wasn't that bad....) Previously in conversation, we joked about becoming a world-traveling call boy/girl team (we like to dream big) and more recently, talk of recession and second jobs brought us to the subject again.

I wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't already been fairly sure of his reaction. But still, after telling him I wondered how it would change our relationship. I really couldn't have asked for a better friend, not only did he take it well, I believe his words were, "I'm so proud of you!"

What a breath of fresh air, to realize my old friend still gets me after all this time, after all the changes California had had on me. And it's great to know age and the midwest hasn't worn down his liberal views (Which seems to be the case for many of my high school friends.)

It's so much easier to stand with your head tall when you aren't trying to hide in the shadows.

Everything I needed to know about sex work, I learned from sci-fi

Okay...some of these are better than others. Some are more obscure than others, and some are a stretch. But feel free to add more in the comments! Bonus if you know where they come from.


1. Always know where your towel is.

2. Remember: Don't Panic.

3. Small furry creatures are always a bad idea.

4. Stay on target....

5. Size matters not.

6. Weakness can often be traced to a small exhaust port...

7. The term is companion.

8. A companion chooses her own clients. That's guild law. But physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for a compatibility of spirit... There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.