April Showers

What's that saying about April? April showers bring May flowers?


There is a slowness in this time just before taxes, and as such, my mind turned away from this in search of something to occupy it, to keep from worrying how long it would last...I'd prefer to write about happy, positive things.

I read a lot of Crowley and sex magic and I feel that it misses some element that I desire. It feels written by men, for men and though he praises Babalon, I can't help but think he wouldn't know the Goddess if she pinned him down and had her way with him!

I read about sacred intimacy and tantra and sex therapy and feel something missing too. I love the feminine, receptive quality and emphasis on the healing that can take place. They acknowledge that a genuine connection between two people is healing in itself.  There is also a serious sense to all this, and I miss a sense of playfulness and the power of taboo.

But truly, in my best sessions, these elements are barely in the background, if present at all. There is respect, a mutual trust, connection, playfulness, and the edge of doing potentially naughty things. It is doing one's will. And somehow, these delightful, tingling, naughty play times are healing--to myself and I hope also to those who see me. It's my desire to create an experience that is whatever they are seeking. It can be healing, wholesome, naughty, indulgent or something in between.

What's Going On?

It's been too long since I updated! Much has been going on in my world, but my harlot's temple has been fairly quiet. I blame tax season. So just what have I been up to?

Well, I went to my first Gnostic Mass.  Technically, my first Mass *ever.* There was a good group of people, a naked woman on the altar and a lot of ceremonial lines and costumes that I honestly thought was a little silly--but to each their own! To take communion with others in a way that supports my beliefs, that was worthwhile.  "There is no part of me that is not of the Gods!"

I met up with Fantasy Makers and got to chat with some people about joining their house.  While I've identified as submissive for several years, my work is empowering and making me very curious about exploring the Domme side of things.  I've had to turn down several request to dominant others because I felt I had a lack of training--so how about getting some training already?

On the art side of things, I've joined up with a small group putting together a show and was asked to play the role of High Priestess/Babalon.  This is both exciting and scary to me! The idea of having lines to reads scares me more than the public naked body painting that will be part of the show.  I'm also getting a chance to put some art on display, so I've been brainstorming, sketching and collecting materials.  The show will go on in July and I may invite a few people who are interested in seeing it.

Creating Sacredness

When I started on this path, I was drawn to the idea that it could be done  in a sacred way--that, in ancient times, sex *was* a sacred thing.  I loved the idea, but I wasn't sure how it would take form for me in the modern day.

Experience is the best teacher, so I went out and got some experience. Even the few shitty experiences I've had taught me invaluable lessons Some weeks, I have felt more sacred than others--when I take the time out to focus my intentions, it's so much better than the few times I've felt rushed, or just in that headspace.

I knew I needed to give myself time to learn, to test things. I needed to find out what worked best for me, and how to bring sacredness to my work without sounding or feeling like a airy new-age type. I needed to balance the sacred work with the fun of "being bad," and find a way to make them work together.

Babalon has given me this key.  And now, finally, I feel ready to take this big step and truly devote my work to her--to make it Work. It gives me the courage to focus on sacred sexuality.

Expect big changes on this front! I'm taking steps to create my own website (bye bye Blogger) and re-do my marketing on this angle. 

I'll always be that fun-loving, taboo-indulging girl.  But now, I also want to pull out that healing, sacred spirit that banishes doubt and guilt.

Fallng in Love

I'm in love with this new woman. She's a Goddess, quite literally.

Babalon is not the chaste virgin huntress or heavily skirted mothering goddess, nor the sexless earth goddess that mainstream Paganism seems to cling to (no offense of course. I love earth goddesses too!)  I can't blame them--they want acceptance in a vaguely Christian society and so had to become a coven of Glinda in a pink tutu.

This week I've been reading The Red Goddess. It's a devotional book of the sex goddess, Babalon. She's a Goddess of Whores, the modern holy harlot as envisioned by Alister Crowley.  Crowley has a bad-boy reputation and is kinda misogynistic at times, but he's on to something with Babalon.

I've been working with her since discovering her, just over a month ago. The more I work with her, the more I've been able to invoke her presence mentally.  And to be honest, I think it's working.  The last few sessions I've had were extra steamy and my energy wouldn't stop until I was back home and grounded.

Let the sex(y) magick begin!