April Showers

What's that saying about April? April showers bring May flowers?


There is a slowness in this time just before taxes, and as such, my mind turned away from this in search of something to occupy it, to keep from worrying how long it would last...I'd prefer to write about happy, positive things.

I read a lot of Crowley and sex magic and I feel that it misses some element that I desire. It feels written by men, for men and though he praises Babalon, I can't help but think he wouldn't know the Goddess if she pinned him down and had her way with him!

I read about sacred intimacy and tantra and sex therapy and feel something missing too. I love the feminine, receptive quality and emphasis on the healing that can take place. They acknowledge that a genuine connection between two people is healing in itself.  There is also a serious sense to all this, and I miss a sense of playfulness and the power of taboo.

But truly, in my best sessions, these elements are barely in the background, if present at all. There is respect, a mutual trust, connection, playfulness, and the edge of doing potentially naughty things. It is doing one's will. And somehow, these delightful, tingling, naughty play times are healing--to myself and I hope also to those who see me. It's my desire to create an experience that is whatever they are seeking. It can be healing, wholesome, naughty, indulgent or something in between.

Sexuality: Whore

I wouldn't want to make the decision for everybody, but as for myself, I feel my sexuality has a lot to do with my whoring.  Anyone who might ever have the fantasy of domesticating me can dismiss it now. Although I do have a family life, it's not your typical family.

I just don't believe in the whole monogamy thing. One partner is satisfying to many, but there are so many others who find it hard to keep such a commitment. Some, like myself, enjoy variety. I'm polyamorous and dream of a big family and big beds. No kids.

Certainly, my polyamory informs my sexuality when it comes to my work, but I feel it's more than that. This is not about building my family, but building my business. Although I enjoy the repeat clients, most of the time, these are one night only relationships.

Traveling to my appointments, the inner whore really starts to awake. I enjoy a little conversation before to learn the nature of this person. I do learn for my safety, but I trust my gut to alert me. I am already planning my approach.  There is the challenge in the newness which I love, to coax the fantasy from his mind and present it to him. All wrapped up in feminine charm, I can sense his excitement, his need and this too turns me on.

I can't lie and say the money isn't a factor either.  I recall some early experimentation in my college days...trying to find a Dom in Iowa. I'm sure there are a few hiding somewhere, but most of them were just after a free blow. Oh, I can't blame them. But they didn't respect me in the way I sense respect from my clients. Perhaps it's because I have more respect for myself. 

There seems to be a lot of symbolism wrapped up in the money given, the patron gift. Part of it is a respect for a woman's independence, the efforts on her part. After all, we are talking about "the oldest profession," this act goes deep into our psyches. But that seems like a separate topic for another post.