A not-so-secret love

There are days I am afraid to proclaim it, but not today.

It's not a fear of doing what I do, but the fear of being damned by society for enjoying it.  A fear of being thrust into a victim's role--because "it's not her fault, she must have been hurt by someone long ago to drive her to this."

I'm not damaged anymore than anyone else. I'm not desperate. I am just different and I love that.

And yes, I love whoring around.

I love dressing up and having an excuse to buy make-up I only wear three times a week. I love taking the extra step to look feminine. It is not so much a costume as a prism, displaying beautiful colors found within ordinary light. 

I love reading introductions people write, the coming to know a stranger. I have met people whose names fill in on a google search, and others whom I know nothing about except their most intimate turn-ons and fantasies.

I love being someone's indulgence, someone's small luxury. There are so many reasons why someone comes to see me, and I love finding that out.  I love the sated look on a person's face knowing *I* put it there.

I have found there is healing in sex, even the most animal, dirty, kinky or the unceremonial rushed coupling. I have ever been drawn to the sacred roots of this oldest profession, and I love the challenge of bringing back that sacred nature. To dare others to view it differently. I love uncovering that healing in the taboo.

I love when I can tell I am truly appreciated in my role. When any initial fear, doubt or even guilt is allowed to melt away. When pleasure is given, taken, exchanged and then allowed to rest. I love when men do not pity me, when they recognize my enjoyment. I love when there is no attempt to haggle the donation because they understand the value of the service offered.

I love discovering how someone touches, kisses, fucks. I love the newness of each first time, the rediscovery of the second time. I love creating new ideas and games to make each visit different and unique. I truly love trying new things, and trying new people.

And despite the fear I sometimes have, I love that I enjoy it all so much. I love loving it.

Creating a Temple of Passion

This is really only the beginning.

I have been both eager and tentative about settling down any roots for this work. But now I have my hands on an opportunity to share a space and establish it's look and feel--a temple of passion.  Dedicated, not to any one God or Goddess in particular, but dedicated to the women who work in the space and the men who seek to release...their stress and worries, who I hope will find much satisfaction here.

I seek to be careful too, and I delayed any announcement at first. Who knows if everyone involved will really mix until you've tried it? And I feel a lot of potential in the space.

It may require a "temple raising" party......

Creating Sacredness

When I started on this path, I was drawn to the idea that it could be done  in a sacred way--that, in ancient times, sex *was* a sacred thing.  I loved the idea, but I wasn't sure how it would take form for me in the modern day.

Experience is the best teacher, so I went out and got some experience. Even the few shitty experiences I've had taught me invaluable lessons Some weeks, I have felt more sacred than others--when I take the time out to focus my intentions, it's so much better than the few times I've felt rushed, or just in that headspace.

I knew I needed to give myself time to learn, to test things. I needed to find out what worked best for me, and how to bring sacredness to my work without sounding or feeling like a airy new-age type. I needed to balance the sacred work with the fun of "being bad," and find a way to make them work together.

Babalon has given me this key.  And now, finally, I feel ready to take this big step and truly devote my work to her--to make it Work. It gives me the courage to focus on sacred sexuality.

Expect big changes on this front! I'm taking steps to create my own website (bye bye Blogger) and re-do my marketing on this angle. 

I'll always be that fun-loving, taboo-indulging girl.  But now, I also want to pull out that healing, sacred spirit that banishes doubt and guilt.

Fallng in Love

I'm in love with this new woman. She's a Goddess, quite literally.

Babalon is not the chaste virgin huntress or heavily skirted mothering goddess, nor the sexless earth goddess that mainstream Paganism seems to cling to (no offense of course. I love earth goddesses too!)  I can't blame them--they want acceptance in a vaguely Christian society and so had to become a coven of Glinda in a pink tutu.

This week I've been reading The Red Goddess. It's a devotional book of the sex goddess, Babalon. She's a Goddess of Whores, the modern holy harlot as envisioned by Alister Crowley.  Crowley has a bad-boy reputation and is kinda misogynistic at times, but he's on to something with Babalon.

I've been working with her since discovering her, just over a month ago. The more I work with her, the more I've been able to invoke her presence mentally.  And to be honest, I think it's working.  The last few sessions I've had were extra steamy and my energy wouldn't stop until I was back home and grounded.

Let the sex(y) magick begin!

Sacred Whore vs Sacred Intimate

I have been reading up on the subject lately.  I'm observing a tendency of political correctness, or perhaps just an emphasis on the healing, spiritual and academic side of it. In more "serious work" about the topic of sacred harlotry (aka-not my blog), they call it sacred intimacy, erotic shamanism (my favorite of the group), erotic bodywork...they skirt around that sex may go on and money is exchanged. The healing, the touch is the important part.

But there's something I relish in the term sacred whore! Precisely because our culture (and many people) would say those two things don't go together.  It's the reason why I prefer the term witch instead of pagan.  They embrace the bad girl and embrace the healing of shadow work.

From a legal viewpoint, also, I see why they choose these phrases. I see why they choose to bring light into a shadowy world.  I have always sought balance, and want to acknowledge the shadows while bringing in the light.

Temple of the Red Lotus

It's time for another post about my pet subject: sacred harlotry. Recently, I came across this site: Temple of the Red Lotus.  A temple of sacred sex in FL that has workshops and offers priestess training as a Qadishtu (another term for sacred harlot, although more specific.)

I like a lot of what they say, but when I compare it to the world of RB, it's a little plain, and just a little on the stuffy side.  If someone is really interested in the topic, there's much to learn, but I'm not sure I could run the same business using that terminology.

One of the best parts about this is the *fun* and a bit of glitz with naughtiness sprinkles. There's a spiritual aspect in serving and giving pleasure, but with that is providing a fun and entertaining experience. It's about finding that little something and enjoying the moment. Of course, there's the business parts of it too, but I don't find the sex to be business-like at all. I don't ever want it to be business-like. And as long as it stays fresh for me, I'll keep going.

Sacred Harlotry: the personal

The King is a friend of mine, one of my first in SF that's still around. When I came out to him, the conversation went something like this:

"I'm a whore, you know."
"No, you aren't a whore. You're just a good girl having a fun time."
"Yeah, and I get paid for it."

He's still in a bit of denial. It's kind of sweet, but a little condescending. I can't say I blame him. I've played the good girl way too long all my life, and I play it very well. Partly because what I do, even when I'm being "naughty" or "dirty", feels good and right. I love my whoring (would like to do some more of it, gentlemen!) but I do feel a twinge of guilt that I don't feel bad, and society wants me to. I'm learning to embrace this inner naughty girl, and enjoying all my explorations!

I'm beginning to understand the whoring part. I want to learn more about the sacred part of it.
And just what is sacred whoring, Electra? I have only an inkling of what is was in the past, but more important-what is it now and what will it be for me?

You know, when I think about it, part of it is passing on the feeling of love to anyone who feels in need of it. When I was younger I was fat, ignored and felt unloved. In a way my service is in gratitude for whatever forces made it possible for it to change, and acknowledging that everyone needs love sometimes.

I also remember, not so long ago, asking Her to change, for the power to make those changes possible. I promised her anything that was possible of me, that I would serve as her Priestess and Warrior. In that way, no matter how profane the activities, it is still sacred.

But right now, I really am learning and still an acolyte learning the path. What I need is study and more fucking.

Sacred Harlotry: A question of authority

sacred
sacred sex
sacred sex work
sacred sex worker

This has been a topic on my mind since before I ventured into "the biz." I continually come back to the ancient knowing that these women were not mere escorts, but priestesses of the Goddess. Men went to them for many reasons. Sex and sensuality were valued in this society, and even the king laid with the head priestess in annual ritual.

I long to take back this sacred heritage, but I am not sure where to start. There are questions I must be able to answer to myself (because others are bound to ask). I mentioned previously, the question of authority. There is also the question of mixing business with religion.

The question of authority is one I've dealt with for a long time. As a Witch, I do not belong to an organized religion (Okay, I'm technically ordained by the Universal Life Church, but that's a long story....) nor do I have an official body of works I could study to claim legitimacy. Believe me, if there were a sex temple where I could go and train in exchange for my service, I would be on my way right now. (Any suggestions?) A witch seeks only to claim personal spiritual authority, to know the land and nature around her. I do not seek good or ill, only balance, and to understand that balance. But the title priestess is something different. It implies study, perhaps a series of initiations, a degree of control.

After only four months of working, there's no question that I still have much to learn. I don't want to discount what knowledge I do have, however. I am more like an acolyte, or an initiate in training for a further degree. In my absolute favorite series, Kushiel's Legacy, they do a year of service before taking the title. Their "court of night-blooming flowers," are also trained in their sensual arts, and must give service to earn their marque- a tattoo that decorates the spine from nape to base. In any case, there is study and service to be done!

Now, as a witch and a harlot...there are still some mystical and sensual arts I can claim authority to. I read the stars and study the tarot and runes. I am starting to see the patterns and currents of the universe. One can't really predict the future, for even your knowledge of it can change it, and many other events can impact the future in ways we don't know. What astrology and tarot can do, however, is to gain an understanding of what is influencing us. In understanding ourselves, we can be more in control and less a product of our environments.

I can also turn you into a newt, but It will get better. ;)

April Showers

I do wish I had more positive things to write about, instead of complaining. Last week I learned a few important but expensive lessons. If it makes me more cautious in my screenings, so be it.

My mother is sick. I really debated writing about it at all. I don't need to fish for sympathy, nor divulge personal details. But I do welcome positive thoughts. Friday she has a pretty serious surgery and once that is successfully open, most of my worries will be dismissed. Most times, any kind of work is a welcomed distraction from the multiple stresses life brings, but I won't be committing to anything Friday until I hear that all is well.

It didn't really help that it's that especially emotional time of the month for me. Everything gets blown up a little more, and multiple stresses and worries just compound. It's actually quite tiring.

Do you know what else is tiring? Excuses. I've given myself plenty when it comes to delaying website and blog updates. Procrastination has always been a habit of mine, along with my various excuses for that. But I see how it could be taken as disinterest or doubt, and that's certainly not the image I want to project.

There has been a lot of questioning going on. I've been trying to pin down what it is most that my clients like, the most effective parts and phrases of my ad and site. A mental dissection. Also, what phrases or images should I invoke to attract the safe and respectful clients I wish to see, and not attract those who are only interested in doing harm?

Also, I have this sacred sex thing. The sacred harlot. This subject deserves its own post. I am mostly concerned with the subject of authority--on whose authority do I dare claim status as a priestess of harlots? Well, I need to save that discussion for another post.