Supply & Demand

My readers have probably noticed my pricing change, the long running recession special (will it end before or after the recession?)

while a higher price meant fewer clients, it also felt harder--those few clients *had to follow through, and I was always worried if I was getting enough business.  This is so much better.  I finally realize it would be better to go with the recession than work against it. By lowering my rate, I'm able to get more calls, which is actually less work for me.

There was a worry that in changing my rate structure would mean less money, or that I'd have to work so much more that I'd start to burn out, but the opposite has been the case.  Is it strange that lowering my rate has increased my sense of worth? Maybe in a capitalist/profit-driven model, yes. But for me, it's never been about making a quick buck, but about surviving and thriving.

I'm glad I stopped worrying about the image my price would reflect and have continued the special. All of my new clients have been really nice, and I feel more in control of my own business now. In a strange way, I like being more financially accessible to people...just my whorish nature, I guess!

finding balance

I'm glad things have picked up towards the end of the month. When things are so slow at the start of the month, a slow sort of panic creeps into me that the calls won't come in time.  I enjoy being a low volume, extended session kind of girl, but I want to attract more business turning the first half of the month too.

It seems like some guys might hold out until the end of the month either for budget reasons, or to see if we will lower our prices in the last minute attempt to pull in what's needed. That just seems like a shame, because I'm sure the extra stress makes session less enjoyable for her too.

I have a few ideas to regain balance, to manifest in June.  An old friend is coming to visit me from NYC, haven't seen her in quite a while. She doesn't know what I do, but it will probably come up in conversation.  I consider cover stories--I know I won't be able to tell everyone what I do--but for friends and lovers I prefer full honesty. How else can you really be friends, if they don't know the real you?

Again, it becomes a question of balance, showing enough, but not too much. Showing too much, or being revealed to the wrong people would be a threat to me. Oddly, this seems to be because society is threatened by me, by sex work in general. And I thought it was just because I'm liberal! A lot of things have been called a threat to society: women voting, homosexuality, Socrates, drugs, divorce...and yet here we are. And sex work goes back further than any of those. Sorry Socrates.

Maybe someday we will learn to stop struggling against our natures, and instead find balance within, to create balance without.

Opening for Business

I am so glad that 2009 is over and done with. It has been nearly a year since I was let go at the bindery. My boss had always been a curmudgeon, but after a couple of months of walking on eggshells, trying to do my job as quickly, quietly, and invisibly as possible, I was almost relieved when it happened. I say almost, because my main feelings were worry (how do I find another job in a recession?) and misplaced guilt (What could I have done better?). For many months, I wouldn’t even look for jobs in my trade, so uncertain I was in my abilities.

Things have gotten better. I met someone who renewed my confidence, put the magic back in my life (literally, but that’s another post!) and I am more determined than ever to make 2010 the best ever. With this year, I am trying something different. I love working with my hands, but art-related jobs (non-digital art, at least) are hard to come by, especially in this economy. In previous months, I have applied to retail, office/admin, clerical, cleaning jobs…but guess what? They all want previous experience! Trying to sell my skills, to convince these people that as an artist and bookbinder I had experienced many work situations and was capable of taking on the job…well, it felt a lot like prostitution.

Which made me think…why the fuck should I sell myself for under $15/hr—and be happy about it?

I’ve been interested in sex work for a long time, even made a trade a time or two, although it didn’t really feel like I was whoring myself out. But for months, I’ve thought, why not? I have no moral or ethical qualm about it. I like sex, enjoy getting to know people, and I even happen to prefer older gentlemen.

I remember going on an interview that went too well, and after researching the company a little, find that it’s a door-to-door sales position. I remember a moment of honest consideration in taking that job and how worthless it made me feel to think that this was what my college degree amounted to.

So I paint a mental picture for myself. How would it feel to run hands down a naked form, grasp his cock and work that lasting sigh of release from him? To have him touch, grope and know my body like a lover? And it does not feel low to me, at all. To leave him with a smile and relaxation, and paid well for my efforts….would feel infinitely better than peddling office supplies door to door.

So the decision was made, and here I am!