July Moving Quickly

4th of July holiday was relaxed enough. I feel like I celebrate my independence every date I'm on, so I didn't need to over do it then.  There was the obligatory barbeque, and much prop creation for the show.  Yes, "The Show" is coming up at the end of the month. Religion, Sex, Horror, a new fable for a new age. Friday, July 29th.  I would like to invite select clients I've seen before, but I am keeping wraps on the details for sake of discretion. If you are interested in hearing more details, please email me and I'll be happy to share.

I also had the chance to visit San Jose. It was last minute, a shame I wasn't able to advertise it more, but it was a great chance to work with a new doubles partner, Sophia Amelia,  and see some people who I wouldn't normally get to see. And it was so much warmer! It was luxurious to have it stay so warm at night, no fog, no layers.

I came back to the city and have been working on props and costuming this week. Several masks are now finished, costuming has been chosen, the majority of the props are done.  And yet, every time I finish a project, five more things seem to come up!

I am hoping to entertain some more wonderful gentlemen in the week to come. With working on props, comes extra pent-up energy and an urge to flee my apartment and let loose! If you pardon my neat but unmanicured nails, I'm sure there's a great many things we could do.

A not-so-secret love

There are days I am afraid to proclaim it, but not today.

It's not a fear of doing what I do, but the fear of being damned by society for enjoying it.  A fear of being thrust into a victim's role--because "it's not her fault, she must have been hurt by someone long ago to drive her to this."

I'm not damaged anymore than anyone else. I'm not desperate. I am just different and I love that.

And yes, I love whoring around.

I love dressing up and having an excuse to buy make-up I only wear three times a week. I love taking the extra step to look feminine. It is not so much a costume as a prism, displaying beautiful colors found within ordinary light. 

I love reading introductions people write, the coming to know a stranger. I have met people whose names fill in on a google search, and others whom I know nothing about except their most intimate turn-ons and fantasies.

I love being someone's indulgence, someone's small luxury. There are so many reasons why someone comes to see me, and I love finding that out.  I love the sated look on a person's face knowing *I* put it there.

I have found there is healing in sex, even the most animal, dirty, kinky or the unceremonial rushed coupling. I have ever been drawn to the sacred roots of this oldest profession, and I love the challenge of bringing back that sacred nature. To dare others to view it differently. I love uncovering that healing in the taboo.

I love when I can tell I am truly appreciated in my role. When any initial fear, doubt or even guilt is allowed to melt away. When pleasure is given, taken, exchanged and then allowed to rest. I love when men do not pity me, when they recognize my enjoyment. I love when there is no attempt to haggle the donation because they understand the value of the service offered.

I love discovering how someone touches, kisses, fucks. I love the newness of each first time, the rediscovery of the second time. I love creating new ideas and games to make each visit different and unique. I truly love trying new things, and trying new people.

And despite the fear I sometimes have, I love that I enjoy it all so much. I love loving it.

High Rise

She had a love of heights, and when her office was moved up to the 17th floor, Marie was delighted to see the large windows behind her desk. No, larger than windows, they were practically walls made of glass.  She enjoyed leaning her forehead against it, the vast space below. Cars and people reduced to bugs hurrying on the ground. Even the nearby buildings seemed dwarfed by this view. It was a thrill to lean against the glass so high, a thrill that ran down her spine to throb between her legs. Marie couldn't explain it, but it excited her to no end.

A quiet, hard worker, no one noticed Marie's lunch breaks taken in her office, or if she stayed late.  Her door closed, her back to the rest of the office, she would sit back, take in her high rise vantage point and squirm hotly.  Pantyhose pulled down and skirt hiked up, Marie watched the people far below. They couldn't see her spread her legs, fingers rolling against a swelling clit. She pretended they could--that a commuter would look up, that her self- pleasure was so powerful she would cause a traffic jam.

It was the idea of being seen, more than the reality, that made her so hot. Her pussy lips already moist, fingers sliding in to match the motion of her thumb. Two handed, she would play with herself. one hand rubbing inside that secret spot, making slick wet sounds as her other rubbed circles around her swollen button, pleasure and pressure building, causing her to gasp unexpectedly with the surge of warmth running through her.

More!  She had to get more!  In what was nearly a leap, she left her chair to lean against the window, hands still stuffed under her skirt.  Against the window, she pressed herself, bracing one leg up on a table for better access. That thrill of heights pushed her to the next level, fingers moving non-stop as she felt the heat build like an electric charge. She imagined all eyes on her, transfixed as she bucked urgently against the glass, wet digits sliding deeper. Her muscles tensing deliciously as the promise of release came closer, closer....clit throbbing then surging as the built-up charge released through her body, through ever cell as it rushed up her spine and spilled out through her lips in a cry of pleasure.

The force of her orgasm so great, Marie's knees went weak and she slid down the glass wall, a streak of wetness left behind as she relished in the glowing, tingling sensation slowly waning from her limbs.


That was when she heard the knock at her office door.....

Creating a Temple of Passion

This is really only the beginning.

I have been both eager and tentative about settling down any roots for this work. But now I have my hands on an opportunity to share a space and establish it's look and feel--a temple of passion.  Dedicated, not to any one God or Goddess in particular, but dedicated to the women who work in the space and the men who seek to release...their stress and worries, who I hope will find much satisfaction here.

I seek to be careful too, and I delayed any announcement at first. Who knows if everyone involved will really mix until you've tried it? And I feel a lot of potential in the space.

It may require a "temple raising" party......

Current Reading List

I try to only read one book at a time, but this rarely happens. More often than not, I will start several and find one that demands my attention above all others.  Here's what's on my nightstand currently:

Becoming Animal: An Earthly Cosmology, by David Abrams.  His first book, Spell of the Sensuous, touched my spirit. This one too, is carefully written. You can sense how he may have meditated over parts, to choose exactly the right words.  He writes of the innate beauty in the world, the language of the Earth and it's patterns of weather, seasons, day and night. He connects the spiritual with the material. I am still in the beginning of this work, but I expect to be touched just as deeply by his observations.

Diary of a Drug Fiend, by Aleister Crowley.  This is the second time I have started this book. I try, oh do I try! His magical texts, oddly enough, are easier for me to read. This is his first novel, and the narrative is so dense...thick. Not in a dumb way, quite the opposite. I know if I can get a few chapters into it, I will get drawn into the story.

Naamah's Curse, by Jacqueline Carey.  I was trying to read Crowley's story when this wonderful new paperback arrived by mail. I had ordered it months ago and forgotten about it. This is the fiction fix I was looking for!  It has everything I could want: a strong female who holds her own, magic, sex, whore-goddesses and Pagan faiths, adventure, quests and a huge world full of detail. 

Sex, Drugs & Magic, by Robert Anton Wilson.  I would have stopped at three, but a friend recently gave me this book and it would be impossible to wait to read it.  I very nearly missed my stop on BART while reading this!  This book requires a pencil so I can underline passages--I didn't even get through the introduction without pulling one out.

April Showers

What's that saying about April? April showers bring May flowers?


There is a slowness in this time just before taxes, and as such, my mind turned away from this in search of something to occupy it, to keep from worrying how long it would last...I'd prefer to write about happy, positive things.

I read a lot of Crowley and sex magic and I feel that it misses some element that I desire. It feels written by men, for men and though he praises Babalon, I can't help but think he wouldn't know the Goddess if she pinned him down and had her way with him!

I read about sacred intimacy and tantra and sex therapy and feel something missing too. I love the feminine, receptive quality and emphasis on the healing that can take place. They acknowledge that a genuine connection between two people is healing in itself.  There is also a serious sense to all this, and I miss a sense of playfulness and the power of taboo.

But truly, in my best sessions, these elements are barely in the background, if present at all. There is respect, a mutual trust, connection, playfulness, and the edge of doing potentially naughty things. It is doing one's will. And somehow, these delightful, tingling, naughty play times are healing--to myself and I hope also to those who see me. It's my desire to create an experience that is whatever they are seeking. It can be healing, wholesome, naughty, indulgent or something in between.

Love is the Law

I am still trying to figure out Crowley. Much of it is too ceremonial for my tastes. I prefer something more wild, intuitively done. And yet, I recognize the value in work that has been done. The texts I've been reading are gold mines of magical clues and inspiration.

Here is one particular passage that I've been reflecting on recently, from The Book of the Law:

61. But to love me is better than all things: if under the night stars in the desert thou presently burnest mine incense before me, invoking me with a pure heart, and the Serpent flame therein, thou shalt come a little to lie in my bosom. For one kiss wilt thou then be willing to give all; but whoso gives one particle of dust shall lose all in that hour. Ye shall gather goods and store of women and spices; ye shall wear rich jewels; ye shall exceed the nations of the earth in spendour & pride; but always in the love of me, and so shall ye come to my joy. I charge you earnestly to come before me in a single robe, and covered with a rich headdress. I love you! I yearn to you! Pale or purple, veiled or voluptuous, I who am all pleasure and purple, and drunkenness of the innermost sense, desire you. Put on the wings, and arouse the coiled splendour within you: come unto me!
62. At all my meetings with you shall the priestess say—and her eyes shall burn with desire as she stands bare and rejoicing in my secret temple—To me! To me! calling forth the flame of the hearts of all in her love-chant.
63. Sing the rapturous love-song unto me! Burn to me perfumes! Wear to me jewels! Drink to me, for I love you! I love you!
64. I am the blue-lidded daughter of Sunset; I am the naked brilliance of the voluptuous night-sky.