It's been a really fabulous week overall, and I'm looking forward to this next one too. It started with apple-picking in North Bay, picked up back in SF for a bit of work, and then it was back to my ocean-side home to play hostess to some friends. My two visits were contrasted by work talk, for my cousin is fairly conservative (we once had a conversation about waiting until marriage to have sex--Opps!) and so I had to keep a tight cover on my new occupation.
The economy is just as bad up there, so much of the time was spend in discussion of looking for work, finding ways to cut back money. It made me realize that I've been doing okay for myself. Somehow, in our discussions of media-bias and pension reform (her current pet issue) I neglected to mention my devious own method of "trickle-down economies!" It was a good weekend in the country that made me miss my foggy city.
With my own house guests, it was much different, for they knew what I did--more than that, they had brought me a client! Now, that was a first for me. Even when spending extended time with a client, I am more aware of my image and mannerism. I focus on being a more polished version of my personality, and being a perfect hostess.
Let me tell you, it's hard to be polished when your guest roll into town super late and you are setting beds up for them at 5 am in your PJs.
I think that for this client, a mutual acquaintance and virgin, it was good to spend the extra time as friends and with friends. I really enjoyed taking charge and leading the way, enjoyed the innocent way he explored my body. I hope that I was able to instill in him a greater sense of confidence and ability in our session. I wanted him to come away from it knowing he would and could meet other women with out his non-experience ever being an issue to fear.
But I will say I vastly prefer the experienced hand and charm of the older gentleman!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Finding Balance
After a period of wanting and waiting, I'm finally starting to find a good balance between work and my other interests. In doing so, work is much less "work-like." I'm enjoying myself so much more when I banish all worry from my space. Less questioning my own motives and goals behind it (I *do tend to over-analyze things) and more going with the flow.
I don't know if most providers are extroverts, that does seem to be the case, but I've always been an introvert. However, one-on-one is where I start to blossom. I really enjoy focusing on another person and tending to their needs (part of that submissive behavior).
There was also blackberry picking, and the beginnings of a collage series. Hiking through pockets of urban wilderness is one of the many reasons I love SF. So many blackberries grow all over lands end, berries in different stages of ripeness. I take only the ripest, purple-black berries that pull off so easily. There are brambles too, but some masochistic tendency in me enjoys that too. I like slipping in nimble fingers to pick those hidden in the underside of the bush, navigating the thorny stems. Picking my fill is a bit of an endurance trial, but I gladly endure it. These hard-won berries make the best scones, the best pie.
I have been working on my art a bit more, collecting images, colors and textures for a series of collages about whoring and sacred whoring. I plan on posting some as I finish them.
But the bit of solitude gets me eager to go out once again. The ritual of putting on makeup and dressing up, making myself ready a client, it helps turn my mind into a different mode and builds my excitement for the main event. In this mode, I'm better able to relax and help relax my client. In finding my center, I hope to be able to pass that on in my sessions too.
I don't know if most providers are extroverts, that does seem to be the case, but I've always been an introvert. However, one-on-one is where I start to blossom. I really enjoy focusing on another person and tending to their needs (part of that submissive behavior).
There was also blackberry picking, and the beginnings of a collage series. Hiking through pockets of urban wilderness is one of the many reasons I love SF. So many blackberries grow all over lands end, berries in different stages of ripeness. I take only the ripest, purple-black berries that pull off so easily. There are brambles too, but some masochistic tendency in me enjoys that too. I like slipping in nimble fingers to pick those hidden in the underside of the bush, navigating the thorny stems. Picking my fill is a bit of an endurance trial, but I gladly endure it. These hard-won berries make the best scones, the best pie.
I have been working on my art a bit more, collecting images, colors and textures for a series of collages about whoring and sacred whoring. I plan on posting some as I finish them.
But the bit of solitude gets me eager to go out once again. The ritual of putting on makeup and dressing up, making myself ready a client, it helps turn my mind into a different mode and builds my excitement for the main event. In this mode, I'm better able to relax and help relax my client. In finding my center, I hope to be able to pass that on in my sessions too.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Ideas of Sacred Harlotry
"I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier." -Rufus, from Dogma
In a previous post, "Secret Conversations", I got a comment that made me want to research more about this sacred harlotry I talk so much about. It's this idea that I somehow aspire to, but what exactly is it? I need to know about the history and present of this, idea. And I need to dive into the personal and figure out: in no uncertain terms, what do I aspire to be when I say I want to be a sacred whore. (And does merely wanting to be one make me one?)
In my search, I found a page with an amazing conversation on the subject of sacred harlotry and just how much of our supposed evidence is really there, and on what basis can one look to history for a foundation. (do we *need* to basis modern harlotry on ancient so-called tradition? Can it be done?) Not only does the exchange contain many insights, but a lot of links for me to continue my research. The conversation can be found here, on the Barbelith Underground site.
I enjoy the rich mythology of the ancient sacred harlot, but I'd be foolish to suggest we could piece together a complete set of guidelines based on ancient Mesopotamian and Greek writings. Nor do Eastern traditions suit me, for it feels too much like cultural appropriation. I'm more interesting in finding my own personal truths to form a modern tradition.
Can't wait to dive into more of these articles!
In a previous post, "Secret Conversations", I got a comment that made me want to research more about this sacred harlotry I talk so much about. It's this idea that I somehow aspire to, but what exactly is it? I need to know about the history and present of this, idea. And I need to dive into the personal and figure out: in no uncertain terms, what do I aspire to be when I say I want to be a sacred whore. (And does merely wanting to be one make me one?)
In my search, I found a page with an amazing conversation on the subject of sacred harlotry and just how much of our supposed evidence is really there, and on what basis can one look to history for a foundation. (do we *need* to basis modern harlotry on ancient so-called tradition? Can it be done?) Not only does the exchange contain many insights, but a lot of links for me to continue my research. The conversation can be found here, on the Barbelith Underground site.
I enjoy the rich mythology of the ancient sacred harlot, but I'd be foolish to suggest we could piece together a complete set of guidelines based on ancient Mesopotamian and Greek writings. Nor do Eastern traditions suit me, for it feels too much like cultural appropriation. I'm more interesting in finding my own personal truths to form a modern tradition.
Can't wait to dive into more of these articles!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Positive Thoughts & a Taste of Eroticism
Business has been slow and it's effected my mood (who wouldn't get bored with nothing/no one to do?) I'll be so glad when it picks back up around the last/first of the month. What happened to all the middle of the month clients?
In any case, I'm trying to focus on the positive. So I wrote about something I often get compliments on, and is one of my favorite parts about me.
My clit.
My clit is quite large and fleshy, swelling up above my mound when it demands attention. In the mornings, as the sun peeks through my window and erotic wisps of the night's dreams have not yet faded, she grows like a mystical peyote button, and promising as much if only I pluck it from its place.
I reach down and first brush the top of it with my palm, sending delightful shivers through my body. My clit is eager, swollen pink with desire and already I am wet. My fingers instinctively begin to move in clockwise circles, dipped inside to feel my moistness. The gentle ache to be penetrated, squeezing tight only makes her throb larger. Faster, muscles tighten like violin strings, tuned to sing such beautiful music....then slower, lazy circles that make her tingle and gasp. It's far too late to stop. I've already thrown the bedcovers off, the heat too great. I want to languish on the edge forever, but my clit craves satisfaction.
When I do errupt, it is sudden; I fall over the edge and pleasure fills every pore. I full body shiver for a minute or more, electrified in this release. Ever nerve a live wire and none more live than my darling clit. As the storm calms, soothing waves lap at my body, lounging in release. Quieted (for now) my clit turns too-sensitive to touch and hides again until the next time.
In any case, I'm trying to focus on the positive. So I wrote about something I often get compliments on, and is one of my favorite parts about me.
My clit.
My clit is quite large and fleshy, swelling up above my mound when it demands attention. In the mornings, as the sun peeks through my window and erotic wisps of the night's dreams have not yet faded, she grows like a mystical peyote button, and promising as much if only I pluck it from its place.
I reach down and first brush the top of it with my palm, sending delightful shivers through my body. My clit is eager, swollen pink with desire and already I am wet. My fingers instinctively begin to move in clockwise circles, dipped inside to feel my moistness. The gentle ache to be penetrated, squeezing tight only makes her throb larger. Faster, muscles tighten like violin strings, tuned to sing such beautiful music....then slower, lazy circles that make her tingle and gasp. It's far too late to stop. I've already thrown the bedcovers off, the heat too great. I want to languish on the edge forever, but my clit craves satisfaction.
When I do errupt, it is sudden; I fall over the edge and pleasure fills every pore. I full body shiver for a minute or more, electrified in this release. Ever nerve a live wire and none more live than my darling clit. As the storm calms, soothing waves lap at my body, lounging in release. Quieted (for now) my clit turns too-sensitive to touch and hides again until the next time.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
'ho reviews, 'ho movies: Pretty Woman
In an early discussion, I'd mentioned that I hadn't seen Pretty Woman--probably the most known, most referenced whore movie today. I've seen my share, but this one had been off my radar for a while. I finally saw it and I am glad I hadn't seen it before now. I can't say for sure, but I think seeing it after providing gave me an insider's perspective.
Also, I could see for myself all the allusions to My Fair Lady. The horse racing scene was a dead give away.
Having seen if after my own experiences, I could see the fantasy of it, and also the bits that were fairly accurate--such as the sense of isolation Vivian feels when trying to go shopping for new clothes. I've always been a jeans & t-shirt kind of girl, and so one of the first things I had to do is begin investing in a more feminine wardrobe--and wearing makeup! At first it was strange, as I'm fairly non-materialist and saw frilly clothes & make up as unnecessary things that just perpetuate our consumerist society. But it has also been liberating, as I explore the more feminine side of myself. It feels like playing dress-up, or such luxury to dress in fine things and treat myself as not just a person, but as personal expression of beauty.
But I digress. It was a cute romantic comedy, exploring fantasies on both sides. Spending a week with a handsome business man for $3000- Yes, I'd take that job in an instant! (Okay, after I check references.)
And what about their happily ever after? Well, Edward seems to enjoy having multiple women in his life, and Vivian knows a bit about this nature in men, so perhaps they could have made it work if they didn't try to force their relationship into monogamous terms. Otherwise it's more likely to end like Runaway Bride (minus the happy ending!)
Also, I could see for myself all the allusions to My Fair Lady. The horse racing scene was a dead give away.
Having seen if after my own experiences, I could see the fantasy of it, and also the bits that were fairly accurate--such as the sense of isolation Vivian feels when trying to go shopping for new clothes. I've always been a jeans & t-shirt kind of girl, and so one of the first things I had to do is begin investing in a more feminine wardrobe--and wearing makeup! At first it was strange, as I'm fairly non-materialist and saw frilly clothes & make up as unnecessary things that just perpetuate our consumerist society. But it has also been liberating, as I explore the more feminine side of myself. It feels like playing dress-up, or such luxury to dress in fine things and treat myself as not just a person, but as personal expression of beauty.
But I digress. It was a cute romantic comedy, exploring fantasies on both sides. Spending a week with a handsome business man for $3000- Yes, I'd take that job in an instant! (Okay, after I check references.)
And what about their happily ever after? Well, Edward seems to enjoy having multiple women in his life, and Vivian knows a bit about this nature in men, so perhaps they could have made it work if they didn't try to force their relationship into monogamous terms. Otherwise it's more likely to end like Runaway Bride (minus the happy ending!)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Fishers of Men
Caution: Devout Christians may be offended. Read at your own risk.
(Then again, if you aren't offended already....)
Matthew 4:19
And he said to them, "Come after me and I will make you fishers of men."
Although my actual appointments are not at all like fishing, the time between them is a lot like fishing. First, I prepare the bait--my ad--then wait around for someone to bite. The battle to reel in the fish is the tedious dance of phone calls, screening, scheduling and booking, each side pulling back and forth, each side willing the other towards them.
But I don't really want to compare my clients to fish caught and eaten. That seems a little too... predatory for me. It's more suitable to my nature to take the religious metaphor and really, am I not a fisher of men?
And I quite like the idea of providing religious experiences.
(Then again, if you aren't offended already....)
Matthew 4:19
And he said to them, "Come after me and I will make you fishers of men."
Although my actual appointments are not at all like fishing, the time between them is a lot like fishing. First, I prepare the bait--my ad--then wait around for someone to bite. The battle to reel in the fish is the tedious dance of phone calls, screening, scheduling and booking, each side pulling back and forth, each side willing the other towards them.
But I don't really want to compare my clients to fish caught and eaten. That seems a little too... predatory for me. It's more suitable to my nature to take the religious metaphor and really, am I not a fisher of men?
And I quite like the idea of providing religious experiences.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Specials & Negotations
This is not the week I was hoping to have, but it's given me a lot to ponder.
The first time I held the 2hrs for the cost of 1, just three days, I got good response so I decided to bring it back. However, this week, most of the calls that came where guys who only wanted 1hr and wanted to pay half my rate! Okay, I understand the desire for a deal, but really? Really? Then Thursday rolled around and I started getting real inquiries....but they waited a little long to arrange for this week! It will be a while before I advertise such a special again for just anyone--I believe I may keep this one for returning clients.
It is a curious thing that Thursday seems to be my busiest day. In the middle of the week, I'm not sure why this is but a fellow witchy friend informed me that Thursday is Jupiter's Day (or, depending on your pantheon, Thor's Day) and this is a day that is good for money and business. Jupiter's energy is expansive. Would that mean that Saturday (Saturn, the planet of discipline and limits) is a good day for kink?
The first time I held the 2hrs for the cost of 1, just three days, I got good response so I decided to bring it back. However, this week, most of the calls that came where guys who only wanted 1hr and wanted to pay half my rate! Okay, I understand the desire for a deal, but really? Really? Then Thursday rolled around and I started getting real inquiries....but they waited a little long to arrange for this week! It will be a while before I advertise such a special again for just anyone--I believe I may keep this one for returning clients.
It is a curious thing that Thursday seems to be my busiest day. In the middle of the week, I'm not sure why this is but a fellow witchy friend informed me that Thursday is Jupiter's Day (or, depending on your pantheon, Thor's Day) and this is a day that is good for money and business. Jupiter's energy is expansive. Would that mean that Saturday (Saturn, the planet of discipline and limits) is a good day for kink?
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