the workshop experience

I went to a sex work workshop today (only in SF, right?) and it was excellent. I was surprised at how much I already knew, but glad that I could participate more because of it.  I still learned some new tips and tricks.  I enjoy learning for learning's sake, I'm giddy with new knowledge!

It was equally great to hang out with my fellow "sister hos." I can count the number of friends who know about my work on one hand, and it's good to talk about it and share experiences.  It's good to be able to talk about it with other women who can truly understand--and I'm a little amazed that I feel wiser for these experiences (but not too amazed.)

Of course, I've really only just begun.  Thanks for your continued business. Here's hoping we can make June even hotter!

finding balance

I'm glad things have picked up towards the end of the month. When things are so slow at the start of the month, a slow sort of panic creeps into me that the calls won't come in time.  I enjoy being a low volume, extended session kind of girl, but I want to attract more business turning the first half of the month too.

It seems like some guys might hold out until the end of the month either for budget reasons, or to see if we will lower our prices in the last minute attempt to pull in what's needed. That just seems like a shame, because I'm sure the extra stress makes session less enjoyable for her too.

I have a few ideas to regain balance, to manifest in June.  An old friend is coming to visit me from NYC, haven't seen her in quite a while. She doesn't know what I do, but it will probably come up in conversation.  I consider cover stories--I know I won't be able to tell everyone what I do--but for friends and lovers I prefer full honesty. How else can you really be friends, if they don't know the real you?

Again, it becomes a question of balance, showing enough, but not too much. Showing too much, or being revealed to the wrong people would be a threat to me. Oddly, this seems to be because society is threatened by me, by sex work in general. And I thought it was just because I'm liberal! A lot of things have been called a threat to society: women voting, homosexuality, Socrates, drugs, divorce...and yet here we are. And sex work goes back further than any of those. Sorry Socrates.

Maybe someday we will learn to stop struggling against our natures, and instead find balance within, to create balance without.

She's My Cherry Pie

I can't help but get that cheesy Warrant song stuck in my head when I bring home fresh cherries.


It was one of those big full bags, bursting with firm fleshed cherries, vibrant red, a few dark, almost purple with ripeness. And such good prices!  Okay, they probably are not organic but who could turn down these juicy plump cherries?

Today seems to be fairly quiet, but hopefully the week will pick up.  In the meantime, I have to decide what I'll make with these cherries.  I already have some puff pastry and cherry pie is in my mind....but some chewy oatmeal bars would be healthier....

Sacred Harlotry: the personal

The King is a friend of mine, one of my first in SF that's still around. When I came out to him, the conversation went something like this:

"I'm a whore, you know."
"No, you aren't a whore. You're just a good girl having a fun time."
"Yeah, and I get paid for it."

He's still in a bit of denial. It's kind of sweet, but a little condescending. I can't say I blame him. I've played the good girl way too long all my life, and I play it very well. Partly because what I do, even when I'm being "naughty" or "dirty", feels good and right. I love my whoring (would like to do some more of it, gentlemen!) but I do feel a twinge of guilt that I don't feel bad, and society wants me to. I'm learning to embrace this inner naughty girl, and enjoying all my explorations!

I'm beginning to understand the whoring part. I want to learn more about the sacred part of it.
And just what is sacred whoring, Electra? I have only an inkling of what is was in the past, but more important-what is it now and what will it be for me?

You know, when I think about it, part of it is passing on the feeling of love to anyone who feels in need of it. When I was younger I was fat, ignored and felt unloved. In a way my service is in gratitude for whatever forces made it possible for it to change, and acknowledging that everyone needs love sometimes.

I also remember, not so long ago, asking Her to change, for the power to make those changes possible. I promised her anything that was possible of me, that I would serve as her Priestess and Warrior. In that way, no matter how profane the activities, it is still sacred.

But right now, I really am learning and still an acolyte learning the path. What I need is study and more fucking.

Double Lives

I am well aquatinted with the double life. Even before my current endeavor, through my parents, family and most adults' actions and words, I quickly picked up that some things were better kept private and away from normal conversation. Mostly, these were grey areas, not publicly or socially accepted, something out of the ordinary.

But this isn't just about my work life this time.  In many ways, this city has transformed me far from who I was in the midwest. Home visits are odd and future visits are sure to be even more so.  I have my country life, and my city life. In all of the events following my mom's sudden illness, I am mostly just thankful that I am not there, forced to be in the middle of it.  As the oldest sibling, it's either all or nothing, it seems.

My other secret, my secret work life, I am enjoying more than I thought I would. Most of whom I've met have been really nice normal people and we have a ball. Now and then, someone flakes and I've only learned more from these guys. I love walking around now, with my little secret inside me. Mostly, people pay me no mind and I slip through crowds unnoticed. No one would guess of my secretly wicked occupation.