On one of my online discussion groups for poly people, they have been talking about infidelity in the poly community. If there is to be some openness, how much, and are you responsible for knowing what your partner does? What makes one a "cheater?"
To be honest, my opinions on conventional marriage are...less than conventional. I didn't care to comment on what I thought cheating was...until someone posted this question:
What about sex workers? If a guy sees an escort behind his wife's back, does that make the escort a cheater?
As you can imagine, I had something to say about this. My response follows (edited slightly for my blog.)
How is it that a sex worker is supposed to know if their client is cheating or not?
In my experience, the client wants to keep some distance. Many will give a fake name. I rarely need to know their full real name, the details of where they work, or their relationship status. Some are married and keep their rings on. Some tell me about their wives. Some will hide their ring in their car and I never know if they are married or not
In my opinion, they are paying for an experience that's outside their normal life. They pay for discretion. They pay for a little relief from whatever stress they have. Sometimes, they pay me to listen. They pay me to take them as they are, not to pry or judge them.
I view the provider/client relationship similarly to a therapist/client or even priest/confessor relationship. I'm not necessarily paid to, but I am empathetic to their situations. Some of them have broken relationships they have tried to fix, and visiting a pro is their best solution. Better to get the sexual relief in that way, then to start courting other women and forge a new relationship where they might get emotionally involved, causing even more trouble (albeit, their own fault!)
It's not a perfect system, but we do not live in a perfect world.
No comments:
Post a Comment